Chronicles
by Artemis Zephyr
Summary: When opposites attract, you never know what's going to happen next. Seto and Jou both relfect on how they got where they are and with who. [SetoJou Yaoi.]
1. Iris

Originally this was meant to be a one-shot, this fic has spawned numerous others that are floating around on my hard drive. This has now become a chronicle/story of the two guys. This starts out in the middle of the relationship, so be prepared for extremely weird time shifts.

So, anyway welcome to the Chronicles. Sit back and enjoy as I slaughter the Seto/Jou pairing.

Warning(s): Non-graphic sex, Yaoi, OoC Seto? (perhaps, but take into mind that he and Jou have been seeing each other for a while and this is in the middle of the night, sleep deprivation and hormones make people act weird.) I know, a poor excuse, but enjoy anyway.

Iris

I lie here with you. And I think to myself how did it happen? What in the world could have caused this attraction between us?

I know the saying opposites attract, but I never believed it until now. I'm quiet and anti-social, while you're loud and out-going. I'm cold and reserved in all the places that you're warm and open. I couldn't care less what people thought of me, but a harsh word to you is like a knife to skin. Especially when that harsh word is from me…

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

And I'd give up forever to touch you  
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow  
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be  
And I don't want to go home right now

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I never realized that you could take something so seriously.

I remember seeing you at my door that day…

"Kaiba?" You had caught me staring at you. You looked so vulnerable. Standing there, completely soaked and dripping in my hallway. You really did look like a wet dog, and I told you so.

"Look Kaiba, I just wanted to come in from the rain. You don't have to be an ass about showing a little compassion!" I think I smiled. Your anger and flushed face always amused me.

"Be compassionate? To you? To a whining, sniveling puppy? Jounouchi, don't make me laugh." I sneered. But I led you to the living room anyway. I told you to sit down and you just stared at me. Confused and nervous.

"Sit down, Jou. I'm not going to kill you if you get my couch wet…" I said sharply.

"I bet you would…" You grumbled under your breath, thinking I hadn't heard you.

I cam back with a towel and promptly dropped it over your unsuspecting head. You yelped and stood, turning around to glare at me.

"Scared?" I asked as innocently as I could manage.

You glared at me again, but then your eyes softened…

And you sneezed.

I couldn't control the laughter that bubbled up inside of me. Something about the way that you shook your head. Or the way that you looked so much like a confused puppy that had just gotten their nose smacked.

You glare at me this time, and are not interrupted by any more sneezes no matter how amusing I may think they are…

"Don't be such an ass, Kaiba…" You growl. I stop laughing.

"Look, puppy. I didn't ask you to grace me with your presence. You want to stay here and dry off than you have to deal with me, alright?" I say.

You look at me. You're still extremely wet, and your clothes are clinging to your lean body. And I find myself staring again. You really are quite a sight.

You stand once again and toss the towel at me, walking towards the front door. You're probably praying that you don't get lost, because I know how much that would embarrass you…

You reach the front door with me following. I expected you to turn and say something mean or some other angry retort, but you just opened the door and step outside into the pouring rain.

You would rather be out there than in here…with me.

I don't know why it hurt as bad as it did. But I suddenly felt very alone.

I reached out and grab your arm. I know I had something to say, but you are too startled to care as you slip on the step and we both fall out into the rain.

I'm on top of you.

You groan and rub your head. You're oblivious to the fact that I'm with you in this position and I don't know whether to be indignant or surprised.

You look up with wide amber colored eyes when you see me. I think I must look just as surprised as you do. I feel something inside me stir. You're beautiful this way. I think I could get used to having you underneath me. I tell you so.

You double take.

"What?" You're blinking repeatedly now. I think I'll have just one taste.

I lean down and kiss you.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

And all I can taste is this moment  
And all I can breathe is your life  
'Cause sooner or later it's over  
I just don't want to miss you tonight

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

You taste like sunlight. Can someone taste like sunlight?

If I had known that that one taste would have led to so many others I think I would have given it to you so much sooner. Although, I can't say that I would trade the fighting we did when you hated me for anything in the world…Did you hate me?

You murmur something in your sleep.

Your head is resting gently on my shoulder and I can feel your breath on my neck. It makes me shudder for a moment, and I think of all the times that I have made you shudder in this very bed, and I can't help but smile a little.

I see the slight rise and fall of your bare chest and I think to myself 'Why?'

Why did you choose me? Why didn't you push me away?

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

And I don't want the world to see me  
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand  
When everything's made to be broken  
I just want you to know who I am

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

We're lying in my bed. I think that you're most comfortable here. You're father would probably kill you if he knew. And I'd kill him. We both didn't grow up with much for fathers, did we?

Your blonde hair is hanging in your face again, and I brush it to the side. My fingers touch your lips and I am reminded again of how very soft they are. I must have moved because you're shifting and suddenly I'm staring into your eyes. I do that a lot. You used to say in unnerved you, but you don't seem to mind anymore. You lean in and kiss me. It's soft and gentle and confuses the living hell out of me. I love it.

"Whacha thinking about?" Your voice is slurred from sleep. I decide not to lie this time.

"You."

You smile and kiss me again. This time passionately. I open my mouth to you and you plunder it. You are an amazing kisser.

I flip us so that I'm on top. I told you I could get used to this.

I want to take it slow this time. It always passes by so fast. I want this time to last. I want to show you that you're my world.

You're already naked beneath me, as am I. We had already done this once tonight. I think that maybe we will have to go down and retrieve your jacket and shirt from the stairs before the help arrives in the morning.

You don't let me prepare you. You'll be fine you say.

And then I'm inside you. And all that matters is that you keep arching up to meet me and I keep thrusting down to meet you.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming  
Or the moment of truth in your lies  
When everything feels like the movies  
Yeah, you bleed just to know you're alive

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

You're chanting my name. Quietly, but I can still here it. You make it sound beautiful. My name has never sounded like that before. It always sounded like a cuss word coming from my father, it always sounded like a poison from your friends, and it always sounded like admiration from Mokuba.

But you make it sound like salvation.

How do you do that?

My eyes are open, and yours are closed. Your mouth is open and I'm watching you breathe. I bend down and cover your mouth with my own.

You still taste like sunlight.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

And I don't want the world to see me  
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand  
When everything's made to be broken  
I just want you to know who I am

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

How do you do the things you do? Why do you care? You know everything about me.

You know when I want to be left alone, and you never take it personally when I need be by myself. You just leave, waiting for me to come out. You never force anything.

You moan. Loud.

And I think I'm going to die.

You're amazing. You love me. I hear it even when you don't say it.

You whisper it in my ear at breakfast, or look at me that way that makes me want to smile, or when you laugh and I can tell it's genuine.

And I guess that's all that matters.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

And I don't want the world to see me  
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand  
When everything's made to be broken  
I just want you to know who I am

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Your gripping my shoulders, and you're head is thrown back. You're panting and I'm not quite sure what it is tonight, but you look amazing. 

I'm moving slowly, but your body is begging me to move faster. You're writhing below me and every time I thrust I desperately try to hit that spot deep inside of you, forcing you to cry out. I can feel you tighten around me every time I hit it. I know I'm going to give soon. I reach down and stroke you. This is what I want.

You.

I feel an indescribable pressure as you release between us.

"Seto…" Falls from your lips and I know I am done for.

For every time I hurt you, I just wish that you could forgive me. But instead of apologizing, this is all I can give you.

I press forward one last time and a deep moan is ripped painfully from me as I release deep inside you.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

And I don't want the world to see me  
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand  
When everything's made to be broken  
I just want you to know who I am

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I fall next to you. Breathing onto your neck. You're breathing hard too and I think that maybe I'm losing my mind.

We shift so that I'm on my back again and you've got me pinned. I can feel your strength waning because of the past few events of this evening, but you're trying to hold me down anyway. I won't fight back.

You look into my eyes, and I know you can see everything. It doesn't matter that I didn't say it out loud, because you heard it anyway.

You lean down and brush our lips together.

You smile after pulling away. Your bangs are sticking to your forehead and I am reminded of how very sexy your are at moments like these.

We're back in the same position we started in, but something is different. Very different.

I feel safe.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I just want you to know who I am  
I just want you to know who I am  
I just want you to know who I am

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I kiss the top of your head, feeling a little playful even though I'm exhausted and I know you are too.

"What a cute little mutt…" I mutter against your forehead. You really hate that nickname and I enjoy teasing you to a point that must be immoral on some level.

I can feel you smile against my shoulder and you pinch me. Murmuring those words that I've grown accustomed to hearing and that never fail to make me smile.

"Don't be such an ass, Seto…"

I chuckle deep in my throat and tighten my hold around your body pulling you to my chest. This is where you belong, I think, as I feel you kiss my neck lightly.

You close your eyes and fall asleep easily. You always trusted me.

I wish it hadn't taken me so long, but I do now.

I may never understand why you're lying here next to me tonight, but all I really care about is that you are. And I am never letting you go.

I kiss you one last time, and even in your sleep you kiss me back.

You still taste like sunlight.

To be Continued…

*gags* Eww…that was just sappy. *shakes hands* Ew, ew, ew, ew…


	2. Black Balloon

**__**

Author's Note: Ah…the second segment. This is the morning after "Iris". You may or may not pick that up from the reading. Just letting you know.

**__**

Musical Note: The song "Black Balloon" belongs to the Goo Goo Dolls and is their property. For the purpose of the fic, I had to change two lines.

Line 1: Changed her to him

Line 10: Changed womb to tomb

**__**

Warning(s): Just some cussing from Jou. Yes, he has an interesting way of expressing himself, but I think it's cute anyway.

Black Balloon

There are times in my life when I wake up in the morning and I have absolutely no idea how I got where I am. I'm not talking about getting totally drunk and waking up next to someone who you are positive didn't look that bad the night before…But at times this feels just as scary.

No, I'm talking about waking up next to someone and just kind of watching them sleep. You're only a breath apart and at times you think it's even closer than that. Our breaths mingle and for maybe a millisecond we both are breathing the exact same breath of air…Ah, yes, it's all good and romantic…and the truth is…

It scares the living hell out of me.

These are the kinds of things I think about when I lie here next to you in the morning. I can't believe that I am in bed with you. Seto Kaiba. The only person I have ever given myself to, and the only person I have ever wanted to. You big dumb ass.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Baby's black balloon makes him fly  
I almost fell into that hole in your life  
And you're not thinking about tomorrow  
'Cause you were the same as me  
But on your knees

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I smile and continue to watch you sleep. I wished you snored, so that I could tease you about it at breakfast. You're always teasing me about being like a puppy. God, I really hate that. I wish I could find one little thing that would annoy the hell out of you and then I would do it ALL THE TIME.

Well, maybe not all the time. I still want you to like me…love me.

My mind flashes back to the events of last night. Dear god…what had gotten in to you? You have never acted like that before. You were…sensual. Yeah, we can both thank Ryou for teaching me that word before another one of those damn English vocabulary tests…

Truth be told though, I want to be the one in control sometimes…I want to be the one that you can run to if the world seems like it's going to come to a crashing end. I want to be the strong one…

I sigh and look at the clock on your side. Yes, we have sides and you know it. No matter how much I lay on yours. The clock says 4:30…On a Saturday…I have to get up. Normally if this was a school day we both sleep till 5:00, well I would sleep till 6:00, and then I would leave at about 7:00 and walk to school and you would leave at about 7:20 in your car. We're both unsure about what the others would think...

Who am I kidding?

I'm the one whose scared…Not you. I don't think you would care if all of them told you that they hated you. But their opinions matters to me, and you respect that.

Honda is the only one who knows, and for that I'm thankful. He refrains from bringing up and tends not to want to talk about it, but he's still my friend. And that's what really matters.

I get out of bed, slowly so as not to wake you up. I've just gotten you into a normal sleeping schedule, and I am not about to wake you up. I know you don't sleep when I'm not here. I'm the only one who will force you to go to bed. I don't beg.

Your eyes flutter open for a moment and you stare at me. Damn it, I hadn't meant to be so loud getting up. Your mouth is still frowning the exact way it does in your sleep. Yeah, I know. I yell at you for not sleeping, but I don't do it myself…Well, too bad. I'm allowed a few moments to look at you.

"Track?" The one word is all it takes for me to want to crawl back into bed with you and sleep the rest of the day away. But I need some time for me…I need to do some thinking.

"Yeah." I say as I pull on a pair of running pants and vainly look for my sneakers…

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

A thousand other boys could never reach you  
How could I have been the one  
I saw the world spin beneath you  
And scatter like ice from the spoon  
That was your tomb

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

A half-smile graces your face as you pull the covers over your shoulders. You're watching me again. It used to drive me crazy. I used to always think that you were like silently laughing at me or something. Weighing me…

"Under the bed." My head shoots up from where I was looking under your desk and I smack my head hard on the underside of the stupid thing.

"Ow!" That half-smile is back again, and I can't help but look at you and smile as I rub my head where a small bump is forming.

You sit up and the sheets fall to your waist and I have to think really hard about how much I have to get to the track before 6:30…God, you're gorgeous.

You shake your head as though to clear it and I realize how much I love how messy it is in the morning. It's sticking up in all directions and you look like you had a round with a weed whacker…

The sun is just starting to peek in through the window and through the blinds into your room. You're sitting on the bed and the light just seems to pool everywhere but around you. Like it's trying to leave you in the shadows…Like it won't touch you.

You must make a lot of people feel that way, too. You still aren't very social at school. The only thing that has changed is that you let me sit next to you at lunch…but only on Wednesdays. It's like a business meeting that happens once a week.

You go out and sit down beneath the same tree you always sit under and a moment later I sit down beside you. We never touch, we never talk.

It's good for both of us, I think. It's my weekly dose of thinking to make up for all of the rambling I know I must do, and it's your weekly dose of human contact in public.

I live for those Wednesdays.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Coming down the world turned over  
And angels fall without you there  
And I go on as you get colder  
Or are you someone's prayer

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Yeah, no one really talks to you. And you seem to like the fact that you're avoided like the plague. Everyone seems to steer clear of you. Except me…What can I say? I'm drawn to you.

I'm sitting on the floor putting the shoes on which, amazingly, were under the bed, and suddenly the sun is just high enough that it comes through the window and catches me right in the face. I blink and turn my head away from the window only to catch your eye. You're staring at me.

I'm sure I look really horrible…the same way I think you look sexy in the morning is the exact opposite of how I think I must look in the morning to you.

My hair is all fuzzy and messed up. It's hanging in my face even more than I normally let it, and I'm positive that I must look exactly like an un-brushed dog. Heh, no wonder you're always teasing me about that.

I finish tying my shoes and stand up, never once looking back at you. The way you look at me is so unsettling. That intense gaze that you have, the way your mouth is a perfect line, never conveying any emotions unless you tell it to.

I wander into the bathroom and brush my hair into some semblance of order even though I know by the time I get down the stairs it will probably be completely messed up again, and will remain that way for the rest of the day. Then I brush my teeth, ridding myself of my most likely horrifying morning breath, and give myself a once over in the mirror.

My rear is slightly aching, but when exactly was the last time we had ever felt the urge to do that twice in one night? I feel myself grow warm as my mind flashes back to the previous night again. You were so gentle and slow the second time. I remember waking up and feeling you move. And then I kissed you and that was all it took, because this tiny spark burst into full flame in my chest and I had to have you at that very moment.

You took it slow for a little while, but I wouldn't let you for very long. I need you to be passionate and rough. I need to know you want me just as badly as I want you. That you have to have me the same way that I know that I need to have you.

God, I'm getting romantic _and_ turned on just by thinking about it. I take a few deep breaths in the bathroom before I come out and walk to the side of the bed. You don't look at me as I come out because you're staring through the partially open blinds and out the window. You're sitting up, holding your weight back on your arms…and those damn sheets are riding dangerously low over your waist.

You're beautiful, and smart, and you have this wicked sense of humor that you only use on me, and it all drives me insane that you won't show it to anyone else. Except me.

That may be the best gift I've ever received.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

You know the lies they always told you   
And the love you never knew  
What's the things they never showed you  
That swallowed the light from the sun  
Inside your room

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I move to stand besides you and I look out the window with you. It really is an amazing morning. The sun is slowly rising over the horizon and I can see the individual rays come creeping into the room. They illuminate the various pieces of furniture in the room. The light seems to dance and reflect off of all the polished surfaces, almost creating a bit of a mirrored-light effect and lighting the room more than it normally would.

I need to get out of here before I say or do something extremely stupid.

I place my hand gently on your shoulder and you turn quickly to face me with a bit of a defensive look on your face that softens when you realize it's only me.

You must have been thinking again. I wonder what about…

I lean in and kiss you. It was only supposed to be a kiss goodbye, but the moment I touch you I feel a wave of sensations strike my mind. How soft your hair is, how warm your body is, how good you feel.

I unconsciously deepen the kiss and I think I shuddered a little at the feeling of you opening your mouth to me. Ah, yes. The one thing that you let me dominate on…Kissing. I usually win in this area. Don't get me wrong or anything, I love it when you take control of that, too. But every once in a while I like to have you shivering in pleasure because of me.

Suddenly the kiss turns not just deep but passionate. I can feel your body responding and I know mine is right behind. Your hands are on my hips and you're pulling me into your lap. Dear God…I am so toast.

You're fighting against my mouth to take control when you think that we're starting to get serious. Unfortunately I have to get to the track…

I pull away as you gain entrance to my mouth. You're staring up at me with this somewhat surprised look on your face. I think you're in a bit of shock at both the way I acted and at how you reacted. It's not like me to act this way. You're usually the one calling the shots. I just like to go with the flow, right?

Well, what can I say? You're in my system now. I may never get enough of you.

I grin down at you and kiss your nose. I know that that must annoy you, and maybe even add to the embarrassment of the fact that I just kissed you like the world was ending and you didn't even try to stop me.

"Bye."

I turn and leave the room as quickly as humanly possible while trying not to look like I wanted to continue that as much as I did. I have to get to track, I have to run, I have to think…

I walk down the stairs and I see my jacket haphazardly thrown over the banister…Had we really been in that much of a hurry…? Again my mind flashes back to the night before. What am I going to do with you?

I grin. I love this. I really do. Acceptance from you was all I ever wanted, but your this? I had never thought it was possible. I think that I had accepted from the beginning of this relationship that you would tell me when you had had enough of me, and I knew that if you ever said that I wouldn't have the strength to argue with you.

I think it would destroy me.

Actually, I'm not quite sure if this intense joy I'm feeling right now isn't going to kill me either…

I can't stop smiling.

I pick up my jacket and lay it neatly on the couch in the living room. There, now you don't have to worry about the help finding it and asking questions…Not that you wouldn't just tell them to keep their thoughts to themselves…in that special way you would do it.

I walk out the door and the breeze catches my hair. It's cold out, but I don't really want to take my jacket. I'll be running soon anyway.

It's kind of like a vice. I run. It's what makes me…me. I guess that's the best way of putting it. When I run, I don't have to worry about anyone else. I can forget my father at home, and I can forget the fact that my mother and sister live a world away, and I can forget that I'm a nobody and a loudmouth.

When I'm with you I don't feel like a nobody. One word of praise from you is all it takes and then I'm soaring for the rest of the day. You're like a drug to me. All I need is you around and I feel safer.

And now I know…

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Coming down the world turned over  
And angels fall without you there  
And I go on as you get colder  
Or are you someone's prayer

And there's no time left for losing  
When you stand they fall

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I'm running around the track now…I can feel the rhythm in the pounding of my shoes. I count my breaths up to ten and then start over again. Just got to keep the rhythm. That's all.

I wonder if you know how much you mean to me…I would do anything for you. I really am like a puppy, not that I would _ever_ tell you that. But I mean, it's there if you really care to look at it. Break it down. What is a puppy like? Trusting, loyal, friendly and has a great taste in personality. Yeah, I know. I rule. Heh, just kidding. But seriously, I always wonder what exactly drew us together. I never hated you…that much. Okay, I admit it, I wanted to beat your ass down on many an occasion, but you were completely asking for it!

And now I sleep in the same bed as you, wake up next to you, know your favorite foods, what hours you work, what your favorite subject is, why you can't stand most people. I may not agree with everything, but at least I know why you are they way you are.

And I can't help but smile, because you're all mine.

I up my speed and start to run as fast as I can. My arms are pumping and the pressure is building in my chest…I just want to make it around the next bend…

Our relationship is like that. I just want to make it to the next day. Everything is so fragile that I'm afraid to push you. I'm afraid it'll all fall apart in my hands. I worry that what I have with you today will be gone tomorrow and that if I screw this up I will never forgive myself. Everyday that goes by with you here is a good one. And I need to just focus on that.

That you're here with me.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Coming down the world turned over  
And angels fall without you there  
And I go on as you get colder  


~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I force myself to stop and bend over trying to catch my breath. Leave it to me to forget that breathing is a somewhat important aspect to staying alive…  


I lay down on the side of the track and stare up at the sky as I try and slow my rapid breathing. I need to let it go. I need to stop worrying about the uncertain future and just live life as it comes to me. Stop worrying about you leaving me…If you do, than you do. There would be nothing I could do to stop you.

Except maybe beg. But like I said. I don't beg.

Maybe for you I would make an exception to that rule…

"Forget how to breathe?"

Damn you…Damn you and your uncanny ability to show up when I know I will say something stupid.

I tilt my head up and look up at you. You're standing there with your hands in your pockets and are looking down at me. You're beautiful. I know I am going to say something so stupid…

"You know I care about you, right?" Oh yeah…Good job. Why don't I just ask you to leave me? Spare myself the poetic irony of embarrassing you and just draw up a contract to end the relationship. It would take so much less effort.

Your eyes widen slightly, but never leave mine as you weigh the situation at hand.

You sit down next to me on the grass and prop yourself up on your hands, letting your head fall back as you look up into the sky. "Yes, Jou. I know."

I think I may have sighed, because you look down at me with this small smile. I sit up and hold your gaze.

I have to know what you're thinking. "What?"

"Just thinking…"

"You do that a lot."

"So do you. More than you let on."

I blush. You seem to know more about me than I thought, and that scares the living hell out of me, too.

"Um…yeah, sure…whatever."

You chuckle darkly at my response. "Ah Jou, what am I going to do with you…?"

"I have a few ideas…" Did I just say that out loud? Oh my god…

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

All because I'm  
Coming down the years turn over   
And angels fall without you there  
And I'll go and lead you home and  
All because I'm  
All because I'm  
And I'll become  
What you became to me

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

"Hmm…me, too."

Then you're kissing me. And I don't really want to think about anything else right now.

To Be Continued…

I think this segment came out better than "Iris", but then again I think I write Jou better than I write Seto. This may or may not be true. The sappy level goes down a bit with this installation, but the third is extremely angsty so be on the lookout. The third segment is in the past, right after the flashback in the first segment. *sighs/snickers* I'll explain more later.


	3. Broadway

Well, it seems that for the Seto/Jou pairing, the Goo Goo Dolls are my band of choice, because this one is yet ANOTHER song by them. This one also ranks high on my favorite songs list.

Anyway, the timeline for this one-shot is after the flashback in 'Iris' and before 'Iris' and 'Black Balloon' itself. So it's the prequel their and the sequel to the flashback IN 'Iris'. And since someone asked. The first song is titled Iris and it too is by the Goo Goo Dolls and is on their Album "Dizzy Up the Girl" as is Black Balloon.

I don't own the Goo Goo Dolls or any of their songs. The song "Broadway" is copyrighted to them, and is on their album "Dizzy Up the Girl".

Warnings: Cussing from Jou. (Who else would it be?) Lime.

Thanks to all the people reviewing, and I'll really try to keep these coming out at a nice clip, but I haven't even started the 4th segment, so be on the look out for it at weird times.

Broadway

I'm sitting on this park bench and I can't help but think of everything that has happened the past few weeks. You kissed me. My mind still shivers every time I think about it. Because it hadn't been a harsh kiss, like I had expected it to be. Your lips hadn't been forceful. I knew full well that I could have pushed you off if I had wanted. _If_ I had wanted.

Your mouth had been so soft, meeting mine and slowly working it open. And I felt like I was safe. I didn't feel worried or pressured. Just surprised, I think. I also think the term 'Holy Shit' made it's way into my brain, but I can't really remember.

I'm still not sure why I didn't pull away. I mean, this is you we're talking about, kissing me of all people! I was completely shocked…Still am.

And as corny and sentimental as this may sound, it was also my first kiss.

So I'm going to end up thinking and dwelling on it for a little while. I mean, not only was it the first time I had EVER been kissed, it was also with a guy, and that guy had been you. So yeah, I'm a little confused, you might say.

My mind also falls to my father. The bruise on my face is fresh and it stills burns at times when I rest my head on my hands. He had been pretty drunk last night. It had scared me a couple of times that maybe this time he wouldn't know, and he would just beat me to death. Not that I would have minded all that much…

What am I saying?!

Of course, I would have minded. This is my life we're talking about. MY life! Not my father's, not yours, not anyone's but my own. And it pisses me off to no end that people think that I just sit around and have no plans for it. I have hopes for the future, too! I'm just like everyone else. I want to live long enough to be someone!

I try to slow down my breathing, which had quickened in the light of my mental rant. It just wasn't fair. My father has the power and it upsets me.

Who the hell does he think he is? I laugh quietly to myself at that thought. He knows exactly who he is. It's me who needs a personality defining moment. My father knows he's a prick. He just deals with it.

I'm the one who's floundering out here. I don't know what I am. I'm pretty easy to define though. I'm the loudmouth, the hothead, and the one who's going to be the first to get his ass shot in a war.

That would be me.

But where do I fit in? That isn't as easily answered. Even you fit into the whole 'plot'. You're the mysterious aggressor. The one who will never admit to being on our side, but you help us out just the same. You put on this front to confuse everyone. So that no one knows what you will do next.

Pisses me off to no conceivable end.

I growl and pull my legs up onto the bench beside me. And I'm thinking about you. Again. I sigh heavily. This is all your fault. I wouldn't be out here on this pansy-ass excuse for a 'I need to define myself' monologue if you had never kissed me.

I'm a normal person. I have a school I go to, a whole lot of homework every night, and friends. Well, okay. I have a lot of friends. I seem to get along with just about everyone. Although, I can't really name anyone who I wouldn't extend the hand of friendship to. I like people. After everything life has thrown me, I still like people. I shake my head at the hypocritical thought.

And then there's you. The silent one. The complete mystery. I'm still confused over what had happened that night. When you stopped kissing me, I had just stared up at you, and you, in return, stared back down at me with this look on your face. Like you couldn't believe you had just done that.

Not that I regret it. I mean, how many people do you kiss, right? Not that I can brag about it…One, who would I tell and two, who would believe me?

And then you had stood up and offered me a hand. I think my mouth may have still been open. I'm not sure, and aside from looking like a fish I was scared. I had always thought that if you and I had ever ended up touching for whatever reason it would have ended with punches being thrown and perhaps even an emergency room visit.

I pull my knees up under my chin, resting my cheek on my knees. Wincing I pull away. Damn bruise…I look like some punk beat the crap out of me.

Not that 'punk' isn't a word that could describe my father, because it really could.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Broadway is dark tonight  
A little bit weaker than you used to be  
Broadway is dark tonight  
See the young man sitting  
In the old man's bar  
Waiting for his turn to die

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

My body tenses as I feel a hand on my shoulder. What the hell? Having learned that the sooner you react to a touch the sooner it will act on you again; I take a breath and let it out slowly. I force my body to relax. Turning my head to my left I see…

Fiery blue eyes.

Well, it's official. The Fates are plotting against me. So what now? Another puppy joke? Perhaps a joke about the puppy being gay? What am I saying? You kissed me! I could get on you about this whole thing.

It's getting late. I can see the sun is about to set, and the sky is splashed in gold and crimson. The colors are making your jacket seem off color, and your hair seems more reddish than it normally would.

And it must be making me high, because I would never care what color your hair is.

Aside from your hand being on my shoulder we have no other contact between us. I stop looking at you and turn my focus to stare at your hand. You move it from my shoulder, and walk around the bench to sit next to me. But what are you doing out here?

You sit back and stare out at the sunset. I'm just staring at you, and I'm pretty sure my eyes are the size of dinner plates. Without looking at me you talk.

"What?"

Yep, no warning. No 'What's going on?'. No, 'Hi Jou, sorry I came on to you and am forcing you to question your very existence.' Nothing.

"I'm debating on whether or not to kick your ass." Ha. Finally. I needed a comeback like that. It seems like every time I'm around you, I'm so mad I can't think straight. Instead of responding, you just continue to look at the sunset with this tight smile on your face. How aggravating is that?

After a few moments you actually start to laugh. I really really hate you at times.

"What is your problem?!" I say standing up and pointing an accusing finger at you, because I am quite certain you've lost you're mind. Besides. This is you. You don't laugh.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The cowboy kills the rock star  
And Friday night's gone too far  
The dim light hides the years   
On all the faded girls

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~  


You stop laughing suddenly. And I don't mean it died away, it just stopped. One second you're laughing and the next your mouth is completely shut and no sound is coming out of you whatsoever. You suddenly redirect your gaze at me, and I hope my mouth stayed closed.

You have these eyes that seem to say that you've been through so much more than I have. Like they have seen more than I ever will. You stand and walk towards me. I back away, letting my hand drop to my side. What now? You beat me into a bloody mess?

Your hand comes up as though to touch my face and I flinch away from it. Habit, I swear. I look back at you after a moment and your hand has stopped in mid-air, like you're frozen. You're staring at me…no…not at me. At the bruise.

I turn my face away and start to walk away. I can't handle both of my problems at the same time. It didn't take a scientific equation to know that if you hadn't given me the bruise then it must have been him. Great, my two biggest problems converge. My sexuality and my abusive home life. Peachy, just peachy. 

I feel a hand on my shoulder and I'm spun around, suddenly staring into azure eyes. Dear God, the last time we were this close you kissed me. I don't think I can handle that. Not now. Not right now.

"H-hey! Kaiba!" I say, as I stumble backward in an attempt to put distance between us. You hand tightens on my upper arm and the other comes up to grab my once-free arm. Great, now my arms are pinned to my sides and you have this unreadable expression on your face. I have no idea what you're thinking. And that scares me.

You lean forward tilting your head as you do so. I think the words 'Oh God' may have passed through my mind, but I'm not sure. Suddenly your lips are pressed to mine. You make a tiny growling noise as you force my mouth open. I stop fighting you. This feels so…so…so…

Right.

I make a small moan as you explore my mouth, and then you let me have a turn. You taste sweet. Not exactly something I would associate with you. I'm still a little tense in your arms, but I begin to relent as my mind fogs over. This is what I wanted. To be with you again.

Your grip loosens on my arms as I relax into you. Your arms slide down my arms and finally find themselves around my waist, cradling me to you. We must look _extremely_ gay. Both our eyes have slid shut, and we're just standing here. Kissing.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Forgotten but not gone  
You drink it off your mind  
You talk about the world  
Like it's someplace that you've been

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

'Kissing?!'

I move my hands up quickly and press them flat against your chest. One harsh shove from me and we separate from each other. Both of us panting and a little dazed. I can't take this crap anymore! Who the hell do you think you are?! What right do you have to act like I belong to you!?

Throwing my arm back and then bringing it forward at an alarming rate, even for me, and I slam my fist into your face. I wince at the solid connection.

And yet, even that is not enough to throw you off your feet. Well, hell. Now, I have to die. Too bad. I had enjoyed the kiss. I wonder if I can outrun you…

As if in response my body turns and I take a step to run. And then I stop; it's as though my body and all it's nerves suddenly disconnected from each other and no signal can get through. I'm standing there. Frozen. What the Hell am I doing?! I have to get away from you! And yet my body refuses, and anger boils inside me. I am not running away from this problem, I can run from him but I will NOT run from you.

I turn to face you and your gaze is cold. Good. I want you mad. The madder you are the less you think about…whatever the hell it is you think about. I take a step towards you and stop, shoving my hands into my coat pocket. My eyes narrow at you.

"Who the hell do you think you are?" My voice is cold. I wanted it to be. I'm the kind of person who yells, but not this time. This time I want you to listen to me, and if I yell I have this feeling you won't listen at all. "What right do you have to pull shit like this, Kaiba?" Your eyes narrow at me as well. I…don't want you to leave. But right now I need you to.

You turn away from me and start back down the path. I feel a pain in my chest, and I think that I may be losing the best thing that has ever happened to me. Because in some way I need you. I need someone who has dealt with their owns problems to be near me. I admire your strength, and wonder if at times I could have ever been willing to sacrifice this 'normal' life of friends and school to have dealt with my own problems.

It's at times like these that I wish I could just go home and talk with someone about this. But I can't. Everyone has their own problems, and if I were to sit here and bawl mine out like they're more important I don't think I could live with myself.

You're going to kill me after this.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

You see you'd love to run home  
But you know you ain't got one  
'Cause you're living in a world  
That you're best forgotten around here

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I take off down the path after you. I don't know how long I stood their staring at your retreating figure, but it seems it was quite a while, as I have to run a fair distance to even see you.

I know you must have heard me coming, but you chose to ignore me anyway. I feel the regret pooling in my stomach for pushing you away. I don't know if it hurt you, but I do know that if it did I would never find out. Ever.

I reach out my hand to grab your shoulder. To stop you like you did to me earlier. I need to say this, I need to tell someone.

I yelp loudly as pain shoots up my arm when it's twisted harshly behind my back and I'm suddenly on my knees. I'm sure there is no surprise on your face that it's me. Hell, I'm sure there would be no surprise on your face even if it had been the Easter Bunny. You just don't get surprised.

You let go of my wrist and toss it away from you as though you've touched something slimy. As physical relief rushes through me about the release of my arm a new and deeper emotional pain sets in. This is my fault. Reactions and actions to you are instant. I can never go back on what I did back there. I know this. You don't believe in the live in the moment crap. People say what they feel and you know that.

I crumple to the dirt path and hold myself up with the other arm while holding the other close to my chest. I stare at the ground, watching as an ant carries a fallen comrade across the way. I watch it with unrealized interest, anything to not think about what has happened between us.

"What?" Your voice isn't just cold, it's empty. It's like someone took your soul and has simply stuck you on autopilot. And it's all my fault. I shouldn't have pushed you away, perhaps? What?! No! I had every right to push you away. You can't just saunter up to me and act like you can make it all better!

"You…you…had no right to do that…" We both know I'm talking about the kiss and not the wrist. We both know it.

Your body shifts and you're off to my side now, rather than behind me. Something has snapped, I'm so angry that I can't even see straight anymore, and I don't think I really want to anyway. Anger simplifies emotions. I can work with that.

"You…he…both of you…had no right…" I continue. My voice is hushed, whispered even and I'm still staring at that damn ant. I contemplate crushing it, and realize that that simply wouldn't be fair.

"I know." Calm. Simple. Short. That's your answer system in a nutshell. Never give ground, just plunder the opposition's. I can't believe you aren't sorry.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Broadway is dark tonight  
A little bit weaker than you used to be  
Broadway is dark tonight  
See the young man sitting  
In the old man's bar  
Waiting for his turn to die

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

"You know?" This I can barely hear myself now. I shove off of the ground and stand glaring at you with all of the venom and hatred I can conjure into this body. You know? Ha. "You know…You know?"

My voice is getting angrier by the second and I think you can feel it, too. I take a step towards you and your body tightens up, but I know it's not out of fear; only preparation.

"Listen to me, Seto Kaiba. I don't know who the hell you think you are, but listen to this. You keep your fucking hands off me. Got it? You don't own me. I'm not your 'puppy' or whatever other name you can think of to humiliate me with. Understand. You see this body?" I ask, gesturing to indicate my torso and everything attached to it. "This is not yours. This is not his. You both cannot use it and abuse it how you like. It's mine."

That may have been the best speech I have ever given. Kudo points to me. I clamp my mouth shut and turn. I hadn't meant to talk about him. He's not your problem. It hits me how ironic it is that I talk about one problem to another problem. It is incredibly ironic.

I walk away from you and this time I'm not running. I've held my ground. You want to play mind games? Fine. Do it with someone who has the patience to put up with your shit. Because I really don't care that much. I don't look back, but rather make my way back to the bench I had been sitting at. It's dark and I decide not to go home tonight. I have no school tomorrow and therefore no need to go to bed. I think I'll stay here tonight and just watch the sky. It can't touch me.

Footsteps. Great. You don't even bother to act like you're sneaking up on me. It's like you think I'm so deaf that you don't even have to bother with trying. Well fuck you. I did hear you.

"Go the hell away."

"Do you own this bench?"

I open my mouth to say 'Why yes. I bought it with a large amount of money I have hanging around for just the occasion when I want to have something you don't.' But the words die on my lips and silence is my answer.

"That's what I thought."

You sit next to me, leaving enough room for another person to sit between us. I contemplate standing and leaving, only this time I would run. Not in fear or anger, but simply to put some distance between us. Can't I just be alone?

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

You choke down all your anger  
Forget your only son  
You pray to statues when you sober up for fun  
You're anger don't impress me  
The world slapped in your face  
It always rains like hell on the losers day parade

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I sigh and lean back and stretch, willing the anger to just go away and leave me. I want to be empty right now. I think that if I was empty I could play these stupid games with you.

"He beats you."

"You're fucking brilliant."

You scowl and I'm a bit surprised at the bitterness in my voice. You stare out in front of us and I stare upwards into the vast dark sky, silently begging the heavens to send one measly bolt of lightning right at me…

"Why?"

I laugh. "Ask him"

"I asked you."

"I don't know."

"I think you do."

"I think you don't have a clue."

"Perhaps."

I'm getting really sick of this one line conversation. I don't know, okay? I don't. And I don't know why you kissed me and I don't know why I liked it and I just don't know! I grit my teeth and stand. Clenching and unclenching my fists at my sides as I fight back tears that have suddenly sprung to my eyes.

I really don't know. And it scares me.

I take a deep breath. Calmness washes over me as I develop a strategy. It's just like me to pull it together just as I'm losing. I'm like Mr. Comeback. Well, at least this time it's for something really important…

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

You see you'd love to run home  
But you know you ain't got one  
Cause you're living in a world

That you're best forgotten  
And when you're thinking you're a joke  
And nobody's gonna listen   
To the one small point  
I know they been missing round here

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

"You kissed me." I countered. I can almost feel the surprise that springs off your body. Hadn't expected that did you? That I would use my wild card. You see, Seto. Let's talk about you for a little while, huh? Let's figure out why you did what you did.

"Yes." You're answer doesn't come out nearly as composed as you would have liked. I turn and face you, using the momentary height advantage as an asset.

"Why?"

"I don't know."

"I think you do."

Yes! Ha! You did it. You fell for it. I have to clench one of my fists again to keep from grinning. Your face is blank. Not an angry and don't read into it blank, but an utterly shocked blanked. I'm learning, aren't I? To think on my feet? To use my head? You bet.

Suddenly that spark is back in your eyes, and I have to grit my teeth to keep from backing away from you. You stand and take the one step needed to place us less than a half a foot apart. I look up at you and into your eyes. Oh yeah, there is definitely a spark.

"Stop me." You say.

Stop you? From what? My brows knit together in confusion but open apart when you lean down, letting you eyes slide shut. You asshole! No! My body is frozen again. Damnit. I feel your lips against mine again. Soft, warm, gentle…

I don't want to stop you. I really really don't. So you know what? I don't stop you. I don't stop you when I feel your hands come to my waist pulling my body flush against yours. And I don't stop you when I feel your lips parts against mine and your tongue brush against my lower lip. And I don't stop you from deepening the kiss when I open my mouth. I don't stop you.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Broadway is dark tonight  
A little bit weaker than you used to be  
Broadway is dark tonight  
See the young man sitting  
In the old man's bar  
Waiting for his turn to die

You see you'd love to run home   
But you know you ain't got one  
Cause you living in a world  
That you're best forgotten  
And if you're thinking you're a joke  
And nobody's gonna listen  
To the one small point   
I know they been missing round here  
Round here

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

We pull apart and I look down. I'm incredibly embarrassed. Why? Why now when you know about it? Do you like the idea that I've been quote-unquote 'broken-in'? I laugh and it comes out more nervous than bitter. You tilt my head and I'm forced to look you in the eyes.

"You didn't stop me."

I can't speak, and I lower my head, shaking it helplessly.

Your other hand moves from my waist and settles at my shoulder. It's lightly holding me in place, almost urging me not to run this time. I don't think I have the strength to run from you anymore. I don't even think I want to.

"Jou…" I look up at you. Jou? Your eyes are soft. Not completely, but there is a softness there that wasn't before.

"Why?" I ask. I need to know.

You look like you're going to laugh for a moment, but all traces of a sarcastic remark are wiped away when I repeat myself, letting that desperate note finally creep in.

"Why?"

"Something."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Broadway is dark tonight  
A little bit weaker than you used to be  
Broadway is dark tonight  
See the young man sitting  
In the old man's bar  
Waiting for his turn to die

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

"Something?"

"Something."

I smile for the first time since we kissed again. Something? Well, if that's good enough for you, then it's good enough for me. I sink into you and let my head rest on your shoulder, feeling your arms come around. This embrace won't last forever, it won't even last the rest of the night, but for now you're comforting me, and you're the only one I want to.

~ Owari ~

Cliché?

Hell yeah.

Fun to write?

Hell yeah.

Regret it?

Hell no.

Okay, so it was a bit more angsty than I'm used to, but they can't just fall deeply in love with each other. So this is how it goes. This is the 'flashback' segment, and I think there shall be another one with Seto's POV, though I'm worried about trying him again.

~Artemis


	4. Dizzy

Well, here is installment number 4. Only god knows how many more. This story is kind of building itself. The muses and plot bunnies have been striking recently and I had to bribe them with carrots and tulips to get this chapter out.

Anyway, Kudo points to Wingstar for getting the song I was going to do next. This really was the one that I had planned for next. One of my many favorite songs, and it really does sound like Seto talking about Jou, doesn't it?

Warning(s): Jounouchi and his mouth again. Some citrus. The mention of such a thing as "Pancake Day".

Dizzy

Sunlight bursts through the curtains that I forgot to close last night. Come to think of it, I forgot to do a lot of things last night. Namely getting dressed for bed, as I notice that I'm still wearing my clothes from yesterday. And that's when I remember.

Last night…I brought you home…with me…

We stopped kissing, and you pulled away from me. I let you go, and that was okay. You didn't run from me. I could feel it though. The anger. You were still mad at me and probably at your father.

Then you grabbed me and I held you. It was only for a few moments, but it felt like it was longer. You're just a roller coaster of emotions at times. One minute angry, the next happy, the next completely and utterly insane. You pulled away and turned.

__

"Night, Kaiba."

I remember reaching out and grabbing your wrist. Not harsh, just enough pressure to stop you. You turned and I told you we were going to my place. You must have known that I was just giving you a place to sleep, and then you came willingly.

And now I am quite positive that a certain unkempt, rude, loud-mouthed canine is sleeping or even snoring on my downstairs couch. You had basically plopped down on it when we walked in, and I had snorted softly. You sighed, leaned back, and that was about all I hung around for.

__

"Extra blankets are in the cupboard down the hall on your right."

"Thanks…"

And then I went upstairs and collapsed on my bed. I don't think I've ever slept so hard in my life. I growl and grab a pillow, covering my face with in an act of mock asphyxiation. I want to shoot myself for this. Why the hell did I tell you to stay here?

My dress shirt is wrinkled, and that means I'm going to have to have it dry-cleaned. I hate having my things dry-cleaned. I hate it when people touch my things. I hate it. I sigh into the pillow, which I'm sure doesn't appreciate it. I throw it to the other side of my bed and get up.

I need to take a shower and then I'm coming downstairs and kicking you out of my house.

Christ, when did I go all soft…?

After the shower I throw on some clean clothes. Nothing special, it's Sunday, and the office is closed for the day. Though I will probably end up doing some work, throwing it on a disk, and taking it over there at about 5:00 in the afternoon, because I got bored.

Mokuba is probably still asleep. It's only 5:30 in the morning. I can expect him up at around 11:00. At least he acts like a normal teenager. One of the many things I am envious of.

I walk down the stairs into the living room, making no attempt at quieting my steps; in fact, I'm walking harder than normal. I'm hoping this will wake you on your own and I won't have to do it myself. You don't even stir.

You're snoring, like I predicted, but softly. It's more of a heavy breathing than anything—

"Hey! That's my pizza!"

I take a step back in confusion and then glare at you. You are dreaming about pizza…

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

You're cynical and beautiful  
You always make a scene  
You're monochrome delirious  
You're nothing that you seem  


~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

You settle again and murmur things about extra cheese and I want to throttle you. How can you dream about food with a bruise the size of a small province on your face? Your father beats you and you dream about a pineapple and ham pizza. You make no sense at all, Jounouchi.

I walk to the side of the couch and kick it. Not you, but the couch. I'm proud of myself for the small act of restraint. You snort and blink your eyes open. And then you yawn. I'm torn between laughing and being intrigued at the size of your yap.

You sit up and then look at me with this half-awake kind of smile.

"Mornin'…"

"Get up"

Instead of the heated reply I was expecting, you yawn again and slump back down, throwing a pillow over your face. I have to listen closely for your next few words.

"You wake me up how early and you're grumpy? I don't think so…"

I stare. It's almost as though my feet have taken root in my own carpet. Who the hell do you think you are? And then I think 'Well, he does have a point.' I take a deep breath and try to think rationally about this. I invited you. I can't very well get all hot and cold with you and throw you out before there's even any light out.

I turn and take a seat in an armchair across from the couch. Fine, I'll wait another hour or so, and then throw you out. I can be hospitable when I want. I sigh and look around the room for something to do. It's moments like these when I realize that, while my house it huge, it is utterly boring.

I find one of Mokuba's magazines laying on the floor. It's a Duel Monsters magazine, with such things as "Improve Your Fire Deck With These Helpful Hints" and "The World's Top Duelists". I flip to the one about the top duelists and almost drop the magazine. I'm looking at a 2 by 3 inch picture of you and an article, a page away from another one sporting a picture of Yugi Mutou.

I scold myself a moment later at my surprise. Of course you would be considered a top duelist. You came in second at the Duelist Kingdom competition right behind Yugi. I toss the magazine aside. I really don't want to read it anyway. And besides, now I'm thinking about you again.

The problem of your father is nagging at me. He beats you, but you seem okay with it? No, that's not right. I'm missing something. There is a piece to the puzzle that I haven't found yet. I'll ask you about it when you get up.

No! I am kicking you out when you get up!

I growl and glare at the ceiling, right as I'm smacked upside the head with a pillow.

I snap my head back and glare at you. I will kill you…

"Jeez Kaiba, you're the only person on the planet who can actually give fuming a sound. Well, you win; I'm up." You say as you stretch and stand up. Your clothes are wrinkled and your hair is sticking up in all directions and I think in a way it's somewhat endearing.

Christ, I kiss you once…well three times, and I suddenly think you're cute? I need to sleep more.

It hits me that I'm being a total ass. I invited you stay the night here for a reason. To give you a break from your problems at home. The last thing I need to be doing is making your life any worse. You're standing there with your hands on your hips, glaring for all your worth (which isn't much judging by the glare).

"Go take a shower."

You looked as shocked as I feel. What the hell made me say that? Well, I take a shower every morning, and you look rumpled, and I always feel a bit better after a shower, and this place does have nice bathrooms, and Christ! Will you stop looking at me like I just asked you to promenade around the house in your underwear and go take the damn shower!?

Except you don't know where it is…Okay, I need to start thinking clearly again.

"It's upstairs, second door on your right. Nozzle on the left is hot, nozzle on the right is cold, pull the tab up to take a shower. Simple enough?" I ask, making my voice as impassive as I can manage.

You just nod at me, still shocked. But at least you turn and leave. You tromp up the stairs like an elephant and I wonder if it will wake up Mokuba until I remember that he sleeps just as hard as you do.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

I'm drowning in your vanity  
Your laugh is a disease  
You're dirty and you're sweet

You know you're everything I need

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

You turn on the water and I find myself in the kitchen, replaying the events of last night. I came after you last night. It wasn't the other way around. I sought you out and that makes me the one who is terminally mad. Not you. Well, you are a bit deranged, just not for the same reasons as I am.

I make myself a cup of coffee and go back out into the living room. I sit for a few moments before an idea strikes me. Whether I am doing this to amuse myself or to help you, I'm not sure. Either way, I head up the stairs, leaving my coffee on a side table downstairs.

The bathroom was designed in a not-so-traditional style. The room is shaped like an "L", so when I open the door all I can see is a sink and a corner. The shower and separate tub are located around it. Like a typical person your clothes are piled in a giant wad on the floor. I snicker quietly as I grab them.

What kind of a host would make his guest wear his dirty clothes out of the shower?

I slip out of the bathroom and down the stairs to throw the clothes into a washing machine. There is no help around the house, not because today is the traditional 'day off', but because I don't have any. This is my house and I am more than capable of keeping it orderly, making mine and Mokuba's food, doing our laundry, and generally keeping things clean. Once a month or so a single interviewed maid will come in, and for a large sum of money, give the entire house a scrub down from top to bottom. Other than this, I take care of just about anything else.

I snap the washing machine shut, trying to hold back a half smile. They won't even be done washing before you get out, let alone drying. You'll have to walk around in a towel for about an hour…

Oh god.

I slap my forehead and glare at the washing machine as though this entire situation is its fault. And in my anger at my stupidity I think that it may as well have invited Jounouchi over, as it would have made no difference. I'm not sure how long I glared at the washing machine, but it must have been a while.

"Kaiba!"

Heh, well, at least I can enjoy this moment before brooding over the fact that I've prolonged your visit. I walk from the washing machine to the base of the stairs and look up and stop dead.

You're glaring at me with one of my towels slung very, very low around your waist. Typical guy fashion, I know, but I still didn't expect what I saw. Instead of the weak, scarred, and bruised Jounouchi I expected to see, I was greeted with a well fed, tanned, muscular, boy who obviously played sports at school and had earned the reputation of holding his own for a very good reason.

"You are a fucking schmuck!"

I shake my head at the comment, realizing that I've been staring. I need a comeback.

"Is that any way to thank me for doing your grimy laundry?"

You glare. "My laundry, my ass. Where did you hide my clothes, Kaiba!?"

I shake my head, this time in frustration. I can't have you yelling while Mokuba is trying to sleep.

"Come on, I have something you can wear." I really do live for that surprised face you make.

I brush by you on the stair landing and continue down the hallway towards my room.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Everything you are  
Falls from the sky like a star  
Everything you are  
Whatever ever you want

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

We're in my room and I'm rummaging through my dresser looking for something for you to wear. I pull out a black T-shirt. What? I can't dress for the office all the time. Anyway, I hand it to you and you just kind of look at. It's a little loose on me, so you should be fine.

You pull the shirt on and I swallow. It's tight. Way tight. You sigh and look at me as though I did it on purpose.

"You are way skinny, Kaiba."

I open my mouth to make a retort but shake my head and throw some pants at you instead. I am 'skinny' as you so delicately put it.

"Way skinny. I mean, you're what? Two, three inches taller than me? I probably weigh 20lbs more than you. I mean you are way—"

"That's enough."

You shut up and I turn away, granting you a bit of privacy as you put on the pants. Turning, I take you in, realizing that I hadn't given you any underwear to put on… I swallow. I leave the room and you follow me, almost skipping along behind me. I stop and turn.

"What are you doing and why are you so happy?"

You laugh and shake your head amused.

"Man, look at me. I slept on Seto Kaiba's couch, I used Seto Kaiba's shower, I am wearing Seto Kaiba's shirt, and I even used Seto Kaiba's toothbrush."

I look at you with a mixture of confusion and anger.

"You did what?"

You grin and brush past me, clomping down the stairs again and head towards the couch. You fold the blanket and put it away along with the pillow that lay near the armchair still. You come back from the hallway and plop down and the couch.

I follow intent on kicking you out before I remember that your clothes are still washing. They're probably done right now, so I turn down the hallway and change them into the dryer. Coming back I find you lounging on the sofa. You're sitting with your legs Indian-style and staring at my ceiling. I'd always found it interesting as well.

I take a seat in the armchair again and look at you, weighing what I could say. I could attempt to broach the subject gently and with some tact…

"I want to know about your father."

Or I could just barge in like bulldozer without a speedometer.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I wanna kick at the machine  
That made you piss away your dreams   
And tear down your defenses   
Till there's nothing there but me   


~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

You snap your head at me and frown. "What about him?"

"Why does he hit you?"

"Uh…he gets drunk?" You're looking confused.

"How often?"

You snicker. "Whenever he gets drunk."

I growl. "Jounouchi, this isn't something to joke about. This is serious—"

Your laughter breaks through my tirade. What is so funny, I think as I glare at you. You stop after a moment and look at me, before falling back into another peel of laughter.

"Ha! You think—You think that he—" You're laughing so hard that I debate coming over and smacking you so you can concentrate.

"Heh…no man, it's not like that. He's an old man. Rough life, hard work, comes home and smacks his kid around, right? Wrong. That's how it used to be, Kaiba. Not any more. I'm as big as him now, and when he starts something I finish it." You say with a small but proud smile on your face.

My eyes are wide. You…fight back?

"I mean, don't get me wrong, Kaiba. I get depressed about it, but there's always that little voice in my head that reminds me that while I may be sporting a bruise or two, the old man is gonna have a hangover_ and_ a busted face. You know?"

No, I don't know.

"Hey Kaiba? You okay, man?" You say and come over to stand in front of me. You fight back. Years of abuse at the hands of my father and I took it. But what does the puppy do? Heh. You fight back. I'm almost envious that I didn't think of it first.

"Kaiba?" Your hand comes out to shake my shoulder and I grab it. Pulling you down almost directly into my lap, I wrap my arms around you.

"Hey!" Is the only reply you can make.

I nuzzle behind your ear and smell your hair. I recognize the scent of my shampoo in it, and breathe deeply. You squirm for a minute in my arms and I loosen my grip, letting you turn a little so you can look at me.

"What are you doing?"

"I don't know."

"Well then, why are you doing it?"

I think for a moment, and look at the faint bruise on your cheek and want to laugh. I came running in yesterday like I could be the hero, and you don't need one at all. I don't know what I'm doing and I definitely don't know why I'm doing it.

You bend down and brush your lips across mine. I tilt my head and catch them again as you start to pull away, deepening it. You're hands come up and grab my shoulders, digging your nails into them for a moment.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

You're angry when you're beautiful   
Your love is such tease   
I'm drowning in your dizzy noise   
I wanna feel you scream

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I'm content to drown in you for a few moments. I wonder where this will go and what these actions will dictate for the future. There's an attraction here, I think as I fell you shift to straddle my waist. You press down sharply and I growl.

You snicker and break the kiss by pulling away slightly. You're panting and grinning. And for the first time in a long time I want to grin back. I refrain.

You bend down and nip at my neck above the collar of my shirt and I close my eyes to relish the touch. This is something I can get used to. Someone to hold, to touch, and who wants to give it all back. I want to laugh at the small kisses that make their way back up my neck to my jaw. Who would have thought that I was susceptible to being somewhat ticklish?

You whisper words against my ear.

"What are we doing?"

"I don't know."

A small snicker. "Is that your answer for everything, Kaiba?"

"Right now? Yes."

I watch you smile and then lean down to kiss me again, deeply. Well, it seems that you can be quite the dominant kisser when you want to be. I lean back under the pressure of your mouth and let you take control. What can it hurt to lose control for a few moments, I muse.

"Seto!"

I inhale sharply at the voice, and you tense. Mokuba is awake.

You stay still for a moment, not breaking eye contact with me. Waiting for me to tell you what to do. Is now the time? Should anyone know about this? Or is there even a 'this' to tell anyone about?

"Seto, where are you?"

I don't break eye contact with you when I answer.

"In the living room downstairs."

You smile and place a chaste kiss on my lips and get up from the chair quickly. You grab your shoes and jump the back of the couch using your arm as a vaulting lift. You disappear down the front hallway just as Mokuba starts to descend the stairs.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Everything you are  
Falls from the sky like a star  
Everything you are  
Whatever ever you want

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Mokuba runs over and bounces for a moment by the side of the armchair, and for a second I think that maybe he saw us doing…what we were doing. He grins and just keeps looking at me.

"Am I forgetting something?" I ask him.

"It's Pancake Day, big brother! How could you forget?!" His tone is happy and amused and I know that he doesn't really care if I remember or not so long as I'm actually there.

He yawns and stretches. I half listen for the opening or closing of the front door.

"Well, I'm going to get started, Seto. What kind should we make today?"

My thoughts jump back to breakfast, and I realize that I really am hungry and that Mokuba and I have plans today, though I have again forgotten them, but he'll be more than happy to fill me in on them later.

"Buttermilk."

Mokuba laughed and shoved me playfully in my seat. "You're so boring, Seto."

I crack a half smile at him as he starts to walk away.

"Let's go get started, I'm going to get the stuff out of the pantry. You coming?" He says turning to regard me.

"In a minute, I need to go check on something."

Mokuba frowns. "It had better not be something to do with computers. You always forget about everything else when you start to work on one."

"It's not that," I say. "Something else. I'll be there in a minute."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Everything you are  
Falls from the sky like a star  
Everything you are  
Whatever ever you want

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Once Mokuba leaves into the kitchen, taking with him the cold coffee that I left on the table this morning, I get up and walk towards the front hallway. You're leaning against the front door with a small smile on your face.

"I thought you were going to go have _buttermilk _pancakes for breakfast, Kaiba." You say with a slight mocking tone.

I almost answer that I would rather have you for breakfast, but refrain. You're the vulgar one; not me. Plus, I do have to get going. But something feels unfinished here.

"What are you waiting for?"

You look at me and raise and eyebrow.

"My clothes are still in the dryer. And I'm not about to walk out of your house in your clothes. One of two things would happen and with my luck both. One, you would call the police and say I stole them, and two people would start to talk." You wink at me.

"You can always come back and get them later."

You smile and cock your head to the side.

"Convenient."

I reach forward and force you back against the wall. I can't help wanting to touch you sometimes. It's weird, and I'm not entirely sure I'm okay with whatever the hell this is between us. Something's here, though.

"Yes, it is."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Everything you are  
Whatever ever you want  
Whatever ever you want   
Whatever ever you want

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

You smile and tilt your head up to brush your lips lightly against mine. You pull away.

"Oh, and Kaiba?"

"What?"

"I was kidding about using your toothbrush."

I raise an eyebrow and lean down to kiss you again. I start to deepen it, but I feel you pull away and I open my eyes. You've slipped out the door and are running across the lawn or rather stumbling as you attempt to replace your shoes.

"Seto? What are you doing?"

"Nothing, I'll be there in a second." I close the door and walk towards the kitchen. I'm slightly comforted in the fact that even if this doesn't go anywhere, you still have to come back for your pants in my dryer.

~ ~ ~ Owari ~ ~ ~

Well, this one was definitely one of the harder ones to write for me. Seto is a bit harder to keep in character, and I spent half the chapter trying to keep him from appearing bi-polar. I do go by the Seto in the manga and Japanese episodes more than by the Kids WB ones, just because they have butchered his character so badly. He's not nearly as mean in the subs.

Eh, it's sappy, but I'm allowed to give them moments, right? No fear people, this is not (hopefully) your traditional Seto/Jou. So be prepared for many, many more angsty things. Well, that's it for this installment, sorry about the wait. Next one should be out in a little while.

~Artemis


	5. Here Is Gone

Since Seto is angsting about Jou, I thought it appropriate to have him address the audience rather than Jou himself. Example: I hate you. This will be written as: I hate him. So that it sounds more like he's talking to you/himself rather than Jou. Just a style thing, I guess. 

Musical Note: The song "Here Is Gone" is a Goo Goo Dolls song, it's just not on the album Dizzy Up the Girl.

Here Is Gone 

It's going to be one of those kinds of days; I can feel it. The kind of day where one thinks that everything will fall into place, but it doesn't. I hate Precalculus for one reason and one reason only: I am smarter than the teacher. Every time she makes a mistake I am obligated to point it out to the class. Needless to say, my Precalculus teacher hates me. Not that I care much.

I think Jounouchi has fallen asleep again, or at least is trying to. His head is in his hands and he's facing the window; he sits in the row by the farthest wall. I'm in the row by the door. I used to love this spot. It enabled me to be the first out of the classroom, which was ideal given the loathing the teacher and I have for each other, but I think I would pay anyone in the 'window row' whatever they asked to sit there…just so I could linger a bit.

It definitely reflects badly on my self-control that that pup has managed to worm his way into my subconscious and forces it into a whole other time scheme. It has been three weeks, four days, and approximately six hours since Pancake Day. I can't believe I refer to it as Pancake Day…Anyway that's how long it's been since I've actually talked with Jounouchi. Either he's avoiding me or…no, he's avoiding me. He has to be.

I shouldn't be so upset about that, I mean, I didn't think it would work. He's…brash. He's everything that I do **_not _**want in a partner. He's loud, emphatic, mouthy, average intelligence, average looks, in a not true way. The kind of person I should be seeing (if I were to ever feel the need to 'see' someone) should be well mannered, well versed in business and economical standards, know how to wear a tux, and at least know that pizza is **_not_ **fine dining.

I inwardly groan. I don't like him. It made me nauseous when we kissed, didn't it? I drop my pen on the floor and reach down to retrieve it. Jounouchi doesn't even look up. And why the hell would I care if he did? That's right, I wouldn't care. Not in the least. So what if I kissed him first the first time…wait…the first, was it three? The first three times. So what? Who's counting?

I straighten in my chair and stare at the board. Class will be over in thirty minutes, and then I can go to work. That reminds me. I need to fire the new secretary. She's misfiled one too many times for my liking. A bit air-headed as well.

"Mr. Kaiba, would you like to grace the rest of the class with an answer?"

Fuck.

~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~

You and I got something.  
But it's all and then it's nothing to me, yeah.  
And I got my defenses.  
When it comes to your intentions for me, yeah.  
And we wake up in the breakdown.  
Of the things we never thought we could be.  


~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~

What am I supposed to say? There isn't even a math problem on the board. I knew she hated me. I knew it. Well, we'll just have to see about that little problem.

"To what question, sensei?"

The teacher smiled slightly to herself. "Is the _great_ Seto Kaiba admitting to not paying attention in class?"

"The _great _Seto Kaiba admits nothing to his captivated audience, sensei."

The teacher's eyes darkened and her lips straightened into a thin line.

"Another crack like that, Mr. Kaiba, and I'll be writing you up for insurgence." She says as she turns and starts to walk to the front of the class.

I shift in my chair and let myself lean back a little farther. I prefer to be comfortable when this teacher and I have confrontations. I glance to my left and sure enough Jounouchi has roused himself enough to stare at both the teacher and I. Well, technically, his head is quickly snapping back and forth between us.

I don't know if it's because he's watching or if it's because I want to have the last word, but I really want to shut this woman up. And I know just how to do it.

"Is it appropriate for a teacher to write a student up for something she can't spell, sensei?"

The teacher stops dead in her tracks and slowly turns towards me. This would have had more of a dramatic flair if the setting had been utterly silent, but since it was done amidst the sniggers of certain bolder students the affect was considerably lessened. Nonetheless, I still hear her words loud and clear, with a sort of death threat attached to them.

"Get out of my classroom."

I stand and look the teacher in the eye for a moment before drawing my body into a rigid stance and bow, but only until I am at the level of her face. She gets the point I think. It's hard not to tower over a short woman like her. I let a cocky smile slide across my face and bend to pick up my satchel case.

I brush past her and out of the room.

~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~

  
I'm not the one who broke you.  
I'm not the one you should fear.  
What do you got to move you darling?  
I thought I lost you somewhere.  
But you were never really ever there at all.

  
~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~

I contemplate leaving school a half-hour early, seeing as how I have been kicked out of class. This would be the first time, and I bet she expected me to go to the dean about the whole thing. Show up, tell him what I did and what a bad little boy I am and finally, accept my punishment. But, unfortunately for her, she hadn't specified on where I should go. Standing outside by the gym entrance is good enough for me, anyway.

The sunlight hits my hair and shoulders, and I can feel the heat it creates. It seems that I don't get to feel sunlight too often. The office is always air conditioned to the perfect 72 degrees that is supposed to be the most comfortable human temperature. Why must everything always be perfect? What's the harm in the temperature being 76 degrees? Or god forbid it, 85 degrees…

Perhaps therein lies the attraction to Jounouchi. The lack of perfection. He's not perfect and he doesn't pretend to be. He's loud and he's okay with that. He's not smart and he's okay with that. He doesn't like to admit he's made a mistake, but at least he takes the steps to fix it the next time around. He's nothing like someone I should be attracted to and that is exactly why I am attracted to him.

I did not just admit to being attracted to him.

Damn it.

It doesn't matter. He's still avoiding me like I carry the plague.

The bell rings and I glare at my wristwatch. It's been thirty minutes already? Amazing. Contemplating my attraction to a certain blockhead really seems to take up a lot of time. I don't know why I'm not more distressed at this. It was my thinking about him that got me kicked out of class. All right, perhaps it was my sarcastic and witty remark, but it's all _fruit of the poison tree_, if you will.

Being attracted to the idiot blond has changed me. I'm careless with my thoughts, thinking about saying and doing things I would have screamed had you said them. He causes me to anger faster, careless of the consequences. I even got thrown out of a class. To what? Show him I had balls? Well, good for me.

And yet, no one seems to notice the difference except me. Then again, no one talks to me, do they?

I suddenly see a spark of blond hair being followed by a short tuft of multicolored hair. Yugi and Jou. But of course. The inseparable duo, the best friends, the comrades at arms.

It's amazing how bitter I can make my voice sound in my head.

~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~

  
And I want to get free; talk to me.  
I can feel you falling.  
And I wanted to be all you need.  
Somehow here is gone.

  
~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~

My eyes trail the path they take across the schoolyard, and the jealousy begins to sit in. Not that my Duel Monsters rival could actually have one up on me in the dating realm. What with being the size of a large Smurf…

But Jou still seems attracted to him. It's frustrating. He's always talking with him, and he's been avoiding me. Damn, Aristotelian False Cause. Jou is not talking with Yugi because he's avoiding me. He's just avoiding me _and_ talking with Yugi.

The pair walks by me, Yugi raising his head and giving me a wave, which I do not return. Jou looks up at his friend's sudden movement and meets my eyes. I can tell he's torn between something I can't quite name and glaring. He eventually settles for the glare, which I attempt to return but decide that a knowing smirk would appear more intimidating.

His eyes widen. That's right, he should be scared. I could mention what happened between us at any moment, and he couldn't stop me. I have something on him, and he knows it.

"Taking the dog for a walk, Yugi?" That came out a bit harsher than I wanted, but then again most things I say have that tendency. Joe bristles at the comment and Yugi lays a restraining hand on his forearm. I have the sudden urge to remove Yugi's hand from Jou while simultaneously snapping the little brat's hand off completely.

When did I suddenly become so protective of something I do not own?

~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~

  
I have no solution.  
To the sound of this pollution in me.  
And I was not the answer.  
So forget you ever thought it was me.  


~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~

Yugi looks at me with pity, and I dismiss it. He gives the same look to everyone. What Yugi doesn't understand under all that "Heart of The Cards" nonsense is that I'm all that I've got. No inanimate card is going to feel my pain and help me. Every Duel Monsters game is made of two things and two things only.

Luck and Strategy.

"Kaiba, you should try being nicer to people. You would have more friends." Yugi finally says sadly. Again with the friendship crap. He's almost as annoying as the rest of his lackeys, what with their going on and on about trusting and loving each other. Sounds like one giant orgy of friends with benefits, if you ask me.

"What would a jerk like him do with friends except maybe treat em' worse than his enemies?" Jou bites out bitterly. Mentally I balk at the comment. I should have guessed that nothing had changed between us. Not that I wasn't the one who started it…

"Someone like me doesn't need friends, Jounouchi. You see, people like me have the ability to stand on their own two feet, rather than having some support group that acts like cheerleaders for them," I say with a smile.

I turn, preparing to walk away. Work awaits me.

"I should have figured nothing could get to you, Kaiba." A whisper, causing me to stop and turn.

Yugi is staring at Jou who is glaring at me. Anger seething off of him in waves. A flash of him and I on that Saturday…the confusion and the not knowing. What had it been for? A day or so of trying to figure out what life could be like together? Ha, Jou doesn't have a clue about the Pandora's Box he's opened. Jou continues, heedless of my own growing anger.

"I bet you have the coldest heart on the face of the planet, Kaiba," Jou says with a half thoughtful half angry look in his eyes.

The anger grew to a fevered pitch, and I clenched my hands along with my teeth to hold it back. A flash again, this time of him and I kissing, of me holding him on the hill. What had that been? 

Nothing, I tell myself, nothing.

I held my hand in a fist and suddenly let the breath out slowly. The anger fled.

"What heart?" I ask, and turn to walk away.

~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~

I'm not the one who broke you.  
I'm not the one you should fear.  
What do you got to move you darling?  
I thought I lost you somewhere.  
But you were never really ever there at all.  


~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~

I'm walking to my own car. I have purchased one as of late. It's pointless to have a limousine drop me off and pick me up everyday. First, it attracts way too much attention and I prefer to be in and out of this establishment as quickly as possible. Second, they're gas-guzzling machines that annoy the hell out of me. 

If I suddenly want to go somewhere else, I would rather just flip on a blinker, cut a few people off, and speed to do it. Instead, in a limousine, I have to wait for one of my many chauffeurs to respond to my command, make a courteous decision, that is conscious of most traffic laws and drive the speed limit to get me to my desired destination. I do not like to wait, and I'm not afraid of getting a speeding ticket. Though Hell will be brought down on the officer with enough balls to try it.

It's a rather fancy car…almost defeating the purpose of the 'not attracting attention' argument, but I prefer the finer things in life.

Like Jounouchi.

Shut up, just shut up. It's over. Nothing has changed and that's it. We'll go back to insulting each other, not that we ever stopped, and demanding the other's attention in public settings, and purposely trying to humiliate the other in front of those dearest to them. Thus is the nature of his and mine relationship.

I was a fool to think otherwise.

I slip the keys into the car lock and turn it. Yes, all leather interior and global tracking system should I get lost. It's a decent car. Suitable for my purposes. I throw my briefcase lazily onto the passenger seat and—

Am suddenly and roughly turned to meet blazing amber eyes.

~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~

And I want to get free; talk to me.  
I can feel you falling.  
And I wanted to be all you need.  
Somehow here is gone.

~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~

"What the hell was that, Kaiba?" Jou growls.

"What the hell was what and get your hands off my uniform, lest you want to pay for the dry cleaning bill," I respond calmly.

His hands don't let go, if anything the grip gets slightly tighter.

"You know what I'm talking about. The insults, Kaiba, what was with the insults?" The questions aren't desperate. Still angry I see.

"I'm confused, Jounouchi. When did we make a deal that we were suddenly best friends?" I ask, a confident smirk on my face. Even with myself pressed firmly against my car, I am still taller that him by at least two inches. Even when he gets the upper hand for a second, he still looks up to me.

Amber eyes narrow.

"Since you let me kiss you," Jou says firmly. I raise an eyebrow at that.

"Since I let you what? If I'm not mistaken, pup, I was the one that kissed you."

"So you admit to kissing me."

"What would the point be in lying about it?"

Frustration appears in the lines of his face.

"So…it doesn't change anything?"

"Change what, Jounouchi, and make it quick; I have a company to run." One of us going to say it. Another game, it's just a matter of time and strategic conversation to see who loses.

~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~

And I don't need the fallout of all the past.  
That's here between us.  
And I'm not holding on.  
And all your lies weren't enough to keep me here.  


~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~

He blinks.

"The thing."

"What thing?" I ask calmly.

He growls and grabs a fistful of his hair.

"Don't tell me you forgot already?!"

"I would be able to tell you if I forgot if you would stop hopping around like a deranged monkey and just tell me what it is you're talking about." I say quietly. He knows I know. One of us will say it.

His body stills and his hands drop to his sides. Defeated? Not yet. No, he's got a bit more fight in him, I think.

"This." It comes out weakly.

"This?"

"This!" Anger flashes in his eyes and I raise an eyebrow again. Close…

"This?"

"Damn it, Kaiba, yes! This!" He finally says, throwing his hands into the air in frustration. He growls and stomps a few steps backward.

"I'm afraid your moronic twitter has confused me, Jounouchi. What exactly is 'this'?" I remain calm, crossing my arms over my chest and lean against the car, this time of my own accord.

~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~

  
And I want to get free; talk to me.  
I can feel you falling.

And I wanted to be all you need.

Somehow here is gone.

And I want to get free; talk to me.

I can feel you falling.  
I know it's out there.  
I know it's out there.  


~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~

He clamps his mouth shut and makes his hands into fists. A few firm steps forward and we're very close to being into the same position we were in before our little conversation.

Hands come up and grab my upper arms. I don't struggle as I am more interested in what he is planning on doing. Attempt to beat me into admitting that I know about 'the thing' and 'this'? Such would be the traditional Jounouchi Way, but then again, so is the art of utter capriciousness.

His hands tug me down a bit and I realize that I'm being kissed. Not being pecked lightly or jokingly, but kissed. Like those times when I grabbed him and forced him to be kissed, and to take all the emotions in it and analyze them on his own terms. This is like that.

A wet tongue traces the seam of my lips and I hesitate a moment. A hand comes to cup the back of my head heavily and my mouth is pushed open from the added pressure. I'm suddenly very acutely aware of the fact that I am not in complete control of the situation.

His tongue slips into my mouth and brushes first against my teeth, which separate for him, and then the roof of my mouth. My head is bent forward and back at a decidedly odd angle, but we seem to be making use of it.

My hands uncross and his body moves forward quickly to fill in the newly opened space. Bodies flush against each other, I let my hands fall to my sides, unable to decide where to lay them. In a way, I don't want to be a part of this. It seems almost entirely his.

It doesn't matter.

I am also suddenly aware of the fact that he and I are standing in a very open, very public parking lot.

~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~

I can feel you falling.  
I know it's out there.  
I know it's out there.  
Somehow here is gone.

I know it's out there.

I know it's out there.

Somehow here is gone.

~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~

He must have realized it at about the same time as he pulls away almost the instant the thought strikes my own mind.

"This…" He finishes, looking into my eyes, glancing back and forth, searching for an emotion, a thought that I might have let slip past. I can tell he looked a bit farther to his left and right at one point, because I did, too, and the parking lot was, thankfully, empty.

I take his hands in mine and move them to rest at his sides. Eyes continue to search my own, wondering, waiting for my reaction.

I had been wrestling with myself about this for sometime. The Saturday he kept asking what I was doing and why I was doing it, and all I could answer was I don't know. Well, now I do know.

This can't work.

I can't deny my nature to want to humiliate my rival, and I can't ask him to deny his nature for someone who doesn't matter that much to him. Jou is the type of person who needs someone as laid back as he is, and I need someone…well, that's the problem. I don't need someone. And I don't need him.

"This, Jounouchi, doesn't matter," I say and slip into the still open door of my car.

To Be Continued…

~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~ / ~

Still a bit cliché? Eh, perhaps. The dialogue needs more work and I think I may have mucked up Seto's character, but such is life, ne? Anyway, the real question is: Are they in love or just _twitterpaited_? And will Jou just let him walk away like that? I don't know. Truth be told, there are a lot of Goo Goo Dolls songs out there and a lot of them have given me ideas, so don't think I'm ending it here. This would be the over-used, overly-dramatic ending to a segment I was shooting to avoid. Failed again!

__

Fruit of the Poison Tree – For those of you who don't waste your time watching hours upon hours of CSI and Law & Order (like me), this term technically means that the evidence in a case cannot be used, because the way they found it and other things found along with it were illegally taken possession of. It basically means that all things can be traced back to a certain point. Seto is using it to state that everything is stemming back to a single thought. Plus, it's spiffy and sounds like something Seto would say.

__

Twitterpaited – Term used in the Disney movie Bambi, so that instead of having to say 'in heat' the animals could just refer to it as being 'twitterpaited'. Plus, it's fluffier.


	6. I'm Still Here

**__**

Author's Note: Yeah, Jou and Seto really just can't seem to get along. I feel like either Seto's characterization or the plot kind of falls through at the end.

**__**

Musical Note: This song is not a Goo Goo Dolls song. It was written and preformed by Johnny Rzeznik for the Disney movie Treasure Planet. Johnny Rzeznik _is _the lead signer of the Goo Goo Dolls, and this was his first solo song.

**__**

Character Note: Sukuro and Coach are my own characters (hopefully not too obvious). This was going to be the only chapter they were going to appear in, but the Beta has convinced me to keep them. Both are there just to move the plot along (i.e. plot twitsts), and give a little background on Jou and how he relates to the world in general.

**__**

Long Wait Excuse: Was half way done with the first version of this chapter when computer ate the floppy disk. I moped for a few days, started again, erased it out of anger that it wasn't turning out right, and then sat down and finished it. Still not happy with it.

**__**

Special Thanks: Goes out to my Beta (Pleasant Reality), because without her help this chapter NEVER would have happened. Thank you so much, Pleasant!

**__**

Warning(s): Long. Angst. Language. That about covers it.

I'm Still Here**  
**

Bastard…That bastard…That freakin' insensitive _bastard_…

He just got into his car and drove off, like it was over. You don't kiss someone like that and walk away!

What in the hell does 'this doesn't matter' mean, anyway?!

I growl loudly and kick a car in the deserted parking lot. I am not upset. I'm just surprised. Yeah, surprised...and really embarrassed. I mean, I was the one who came on to him this time. Maybe I'm reading this wrong. Maybe he only likes it if he's the one in charge.

Well, then. I'm glad we ended it. Cause it definitely wouldn't have worked out with that bastard calling the shots all the time. I mean, I'm not the type to sit back and take orders, especially from a tight-ass like him.

I kick the curb in irritation. God, I can't believe this.

How the hell did I let it get this far? It wasn't me who tried to kiss him in the rain, and I didn't run him down in the park. I didn't make him talk to me about his problems, and I sure as hell didn't invite him to sleep on _my_ couch! He was the one that came on to me, and yet he still can walk away from it like it was all my freakin' idea! Score one for moneybags. He always manages to screw me one way or another.

:'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``':

  
I am a question to the world,  
Not an answer to be heard,  
Or a moment that's held in your arms.  
And what do you think you'd ever say?  
I won't listen anyway.  
You ignore me,  
And I'll never be what you want me to be.  


:'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``':

I walk back to the school, quiet and seething. I'm a loud mouth, but I can be a solemn loud mouth when I want to be. The parking lot stretches on forever. I hate walking, especially when I'm mad. It gives me too much time to think about it.

"Jou!"

I snap my head up to see none other than Honda come running up to me in the paring lot.

"Man, what are you doing out here?" he asks, looking disappointed for some reason.

"What's it to you?" That came out a bit harsher than I wanted.

"You being late for track practice for the fourth time this week, that's what. And it's try-outs. Do you wanna make the team or not?" He says in that exasperated voice I seem to be getting a lot.

"Shit!"

"Yeah, 'shit' is right, man. Go get your ass to practice." He says shaking his head. "What were you doing out here, anyway?"

I really, really don't want to answer that question.

:'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``':

  
And what do you think you'd understand?  
I'm a boy--No, I'm a man.  
You can't take me and throw me away.  
And how can you learn what's never shown?  
Yeah, you stand here on your own.  
They don't know me 'cause I'm not here.  


:'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``':

I stop in mid-turn to look at him and then the floor, which has suddenly become very interesting. I should be able to tell Honda anything, right? He wouldn't freak on me, right? I mean, we've been friends since I moved here…Besides, what would I say? Hey, there is this slight chance that someday in the future I might hit on you and no, I won't be drunk. Still wanna be friends?

__

Riiiiiiiiight.

"Uh…" I scratch my head looking for an answer. "There was someone I needed to talk to--"

"Kaiba?" 

My mouth was still open from my explanation and I couldn't seem to close it. Kaiba? _Kaiba?_ How the hell did he know I was talking to Kaiba? Wait, he just came out of the school. Using the exit with the glass doors. The exit with the glass doors that looks out at the parking lot…

Fuck. Me.

I've got to play it cool. "Uh…yeah…we got into an argument, and I had to go attempt to beat his ass down," I say with a small shrug, trying to look sheepish about the whole thing.

"Did this argument involve you two…" he paused swallowing, like what he was about to say was either distasteful or something he just wasn't quite sure how to put into words. "…kissing and making up?"

I'm sure my eyes are huge at this point, probably just about ready to fall out of my head. I'm so dead. I get dumped by a guy I'm not even sure I'm going out with. Then I come out of the closet to my best friend. Here comes the part where said best friend kicks my ass. Today is just not going well at all.

"Jou?"

I blink. Wow…being in shock really passes the time. I wonder how long I was standing there.

"Yeah?"

"It's no big deal," he says shifting on his feet, and I can't help but be relieved and very, very puzzled. "I mean, don't get me wrong. I don't swing that way. But, hey, it's your choice. Though…if you hit on me I _will_ kick your ass."

"You mean it, man?"

He shrugs and looks at his feet. "We've been friends for too long for me to stop because you suddenly like taking it up the ass."

"Hey!" It comes out indignant, but I'm grinning anyway.

"Yeah, whatever. And, uh…if he…uh…tried anything…I'll kick his ass." Honda looked away, obviously uncomfortable. "You just…you just say the word, okay?"

"That's it? No smart comments about my choice in…uh…in…"

"I'll just keep it to myself, okay?" He says, looking at me with that clouded over expression he gets when we're fighting and I know he has an insult but he won't say it.

I grin again, but this time it falters. Honda I can deal with. It seems like he can handle it, which is one good thing that's happened today. Though I don't know what 'handle it' quite means. He could still jump me in the parking lot later on. I frown, knowing it won't help me to stand here and stew, but not really wanting to go face anyone else.

"It didn't look like it ended that well," he says, sounding slightly worried. Was it okay for a straight guy to talk to his gay friend about who he was dating? I'm not sure about the whole gay-straight protocol thing.

Maybe someone wrote a book on it.

:'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``':

  
And I want a moment to be real.  
Wanna touch things I don't feel.  
Wanna hold on and feel I belong.  
And how can the world want me to change,  
They're the ones that stay the same.  
They don't know me,  
'Cause I'm not here.  


:'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``':

"Uh…yeah. It didn't, but what'd you expect?" I say with a forced laugh. "This is Kaiba we're talking about. He's an ass."

Honda raises an eyebrow and the message was conveyed without words: 'An ass that I just caught you kissing in the parking lot.' I swallow, today just wasn't my day. He shifts again, looking decidedly uncomfortable, and it's not like I can blame him. If I caught him making out with a penguin, and he suddenly told me he had developed an attraction to them, I'm sure I wouldn't be all that keen to talk to him either.

I just compared Kaiba to a penguin. Heh, go me.

Honda looks at his watch and snorts softly. "Man, you are really late for practice now. You better get your ass in gear and get going."

Oh shit! Why do I keep forgetting about practice?!

"Shit, all right. Uh…we'll talk more about this later…if you want?" I say, starting to turn.

"Just get to practice, Jou. Nothing's changed."

At least I know why I'm friends with him.

:'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``':

  
And you see the things they never see.  
All you wanted I could be.  
Now you know me, and I'm not afraid,  
And I wanna tell you who I am.  
Can you help me be a man?  
They can't break me,  
As long as I know who I am.

:'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``':

  
I take off for the track field and then have to turn around to get into the locker room. Showing up late is bad; showing up late and not dressed up? Now that's just plain suicidal.

I change quickly, throwing on a pair of shorts and leaving on my white shirt. Tie the tennis shoes…smooth the impossibly messy hair back…shit, I'm twenty minutes late.

Another sprint and I notice that the team has returned from their mile warm-up and is now stretching. I want to get started on my own warm-up, but the coach catches sight of me before I get a chance. Damn.

"_Jounouchi_!" Oh, that is not a happy coach, not a happy coach at all.

"Heya, coach. What's kicking?" I ask as I saunter up, trying to look as calm as possible.

"Do you even want to make the team?! Or is this just some big joke to you? Something you do to pass the time? And another thing--"

The coach's yelling has attracted the attention of the team captain, some prick who hates me. He's a rich kid, and he knows that I'm not. Always been a little snobby from what I hear. Apparently, he has something against the 'lower class' being on his track team. I inconspicuously give him the finger while maintaining eye contact with Coach, who is still reaming me out like there's no tomorrow.

"--You want to be a nobody? You want to be on a team? Then you start acting like it! Now take your mile and get back here as quick as your legs can carry you, you got it? Get on with it, Jounouchi."

I heave a sigh and take my lap. God, today is just not my day.

:'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``':

  
And I want a moment to be real,  
Wanna touch things I don't feel,  
Wanna hold on and feel I belong.  
And how can the world want me to change,  
They're the ones that stay the same.  
They can't see me,  
But I'm still here.  


:'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``':

A mile is about four laps around the track field, which isn't too bad a run especially if you're me. I prefer the long distance running to those sprinters any day. Now that shit just looks painful. They run 200 yards in so many seconds and when they're finished they look like someone ripped out their internal organs while they were doing it. No thank you to that.

Ah, that's one lap. I can see myself coming up on the start line again only to see that some of the other kids are getting ready for their own run. Damn it. I hate running with other people. I always feel obligated to keep myself in front.

Oh, there they go. Now I'm gonna have to catch up.

I'm tailing the captain since I took the lane next to his. I can't even remember his name, but that doesn't stop us from hating each other. He looks back over his shoulder and glares, not liking the idea that I'm tailing him at all.

We pace each other. Sometimes one of us falling back for the other to take the lead and then coming up quickly to take it back. It got pretty annoying after a while and I just took off. Willing my legs to just go a little faster with every step until my lungs are burning and I realized that I've taken a good lead. But, man, it hurt.

I'm not the best on the team. I don't practice enough for it and I'm not much into the competition part either. Both just really aren't my things.

Running is like…running, I guess. I mean, I don't have some poetic meaning for it or anything. When you run, you have to think about running. And that's what I do. It gets me out of my house, and I think somewhere, some part of me wants to be good at something more than just a silly card game that I don't understand anyway.

Suddenly he's on my tail again and we're closing out the third lap. Now it's time to lay on the speed. He's always practicing, timing himself, doing extra hurdles, staying late, and if he wasn't such an asshole I might admire him. He could beat me, but he's forgotten one thing. I want to beat him now. I start to pull away, but he's coming up again. Man, he just won't quit.

We're closing in on the line. No one calls it the finish line; it's just the line. The goal. It would be like calling the hoop in basketball 'the point upper basket'. Kind of pointless.

Suddenly, I'm reeling and tasting grass on top of it. I roll over and who's smirking down at me?

Sukuro.

Hey, I remembered his name. Wow…maybe it's 'cause I'm about to beat his ass down in about three seconds.

"You had better have a good reason for shoving me off the track 'cause I don't take things like that lightly," I growl out, coming up to lean back on my elbows.

"It was just an accident. I even stopped to help you up," he says loud enough for the rest of the runners to hear him and decide that it's not going to be confrontational.

He bends down as though he's going to help me up, and I frown.

"You're nothing, Jounouchi. You don't belong on this team."

"Aw, you're just saying that." I bite out sarcastically.

"Think twice before showing up to practice tomorrow," he says, a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips. What an asshole. He reaches a hand out towards me. One part of me wants to smack it away, but with everyone watching and my spot on the team counting on behavior, I take it.

"I don't think twice about anything." I say, as he pulls me to my feet and we both continue to glare at each other, and I am slightly thankful for the extra inch I have over him.

"What the hell is this?! Gossip time? Or are you two just trying to get a tan?!" Couch yells over the field. "This is the last time I'm warning you, Jounouchi. You're running extra after practice. And Sukuro! Act more like a captain and less like a street punk, got it? Now, get back out there and run!"

We continue to glare at each other but nod.

:'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``':

  
They can't tell me who to be,  
'Cause I'm not what they see.  
And the world is still sleeping,  
While I keep on dreaming for me.  
And their words are just whispers,  
And lies that I'll never believe.

:'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``':

Practice ends, and thankfully the field is empty again. Coach calls me and I grudgingly trot over to him.

He sighs and shakes his head when I glare at him.

"You've got so much talent, Jounouchi."

Aw man, I hate these speeches.

"But you throw it all away. And for what? So you and Sukuro can duke it out like four-year-olds? I've been coaching for--"

Is he just going to keep talking? I've got extra laps to do, and it's gonna get dark soon…

"--it's been those years of practice that's made it quite easy for me to spot talent, and you got it. With a little extra work, and maybe some before school practices, you could--"

Is he nuts? I spend enough time out here running for people I don't care about. Why am I even trying out for this stupid team? God, I can't even think straight with him griping at me like this…

"--championship is in reach this year. You could be our 2-mile runner. Work on that speed just a bit; maybe I can get you to run with--"

With who? With Sukuro? Not very fucking likely. I can't believe how bitter I'm getting about this lecture. He is the coach, and I should respect that right? What is making me so mad…I can't understand this. Even I can get over the stunt Sukuro pulled earlier, but I still seem mad about something else. What could have possibly happened today to…Oh yeah…_Kaiba_. Man, I thought I would be over that.

Suddenly, Coach punches me lightly in the arm and my eyes widen at the sudden contact. I have to keep my clenched fists at my sides. I hate it when I get startled like that.

"--glad we had this talk, Jounouchi. Now go run those laps for me and we'll talk more about attendance and see what we can do about a few extra practices here and there…"

"Wait," I stutter out. "Are you telling me I made the team?" After all the shit I pulled?

"Maybe, we'll see how that attitude improves tomorrow."

:'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``':  
  
And I want a moment to be real,  
Wanna touch things I don't feel,  
Wanna hold on and feel I belong.  
And how can they say I never change,  
They're the ones that stay the same.  
.  


:'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``':

I start the laps, and I can feel my rhythm is lacking to say the least. I'm coming down too hard on my toes when I should be landing gently on the heel for a roll forward. My body weight is falling towards the front when my torso should be up straight…

Concentrate, damn it.

I must look like a gangly teen out here. I need to try harder. I need to prove them all wrong about me. I can show Kaiba that it is worth it; that I'm worth it.

And why the hell am I thinking about that asshole again?

I've got enough on my plate to deal with without him mucking shit up some more than he already has. I mean, seriously, can he get any more self-absorbed. Oh look at me, I'm Kaiba, I'm a fucking prick, la la la. What a jerk. He's so fucking full of himself! It's always about Kaiba. Always. All the teachers want him in their class, and all the colleges want him enrolled, and all the girls want to go out with him. I mean, oh yeah, being an ice burg is just sooooo freakin' sexy. Yeah, whatever.

Why am I still _thinking _about him?!

Probably because he's on the bleachers watching me…

He's what?!

Just as I can feel my pace settling, I trip and it's back to square one. Now, I'm really freaked out. Why is he here? I thought he said he had to be at work? Man, what time _is_ it? It's can't be that late. I mean, twilight is late, but not that late, right? Maybe 5-5:30? Wait…that's the time practice ends…the sun sets around 6:30. Oh shit, I got to get home. I have a test tomorrow in…in…crap what _do _I have a test in tomorrow?

Wait, the book is in my bag. I'll have to go back for it in the locker room, but at least I'll know what I need to study for. I did put the book in my bag, right?

Aw man…

I can feel the embarrassment in my chest start to prickle when the track turns and my back is to him. Nothing is weirder than knowing Kaiba is watching you. Especially when you realize it after the fact. What if I trip and biff it in front of him? How long has he been here? Am I making good time? When was the last time I looked up at the bleachers?

My chest starts to burn and I realize with a flash of frustration that I've lost count of how many laps I've done. It's okay…I'll just finish this one up and head home. I won't even look at the bleachers again. He probably doesn't even know I've seen him. Yeah, that's it. I'll just leave. Wait, I have to get my book bag. Damn it. Okay, change in plans. Run to locker room, grab bag, skip changing, and then just get the hell home.

I sprint the last half of the lap and then walk as normally as I can towards the locker rooms. 

I open my locker and pull out my book bag. Inside I find my bag and pull out the geometry book. Crap. I hate geometry. I needed any extra time I could get on this. Damn.

A thought creeps into my brain and I freeze. What if Kaiba is waiting for me outside the locker room? I mean, it's not like I've been hurrying or anything. What if he comes in here? What if I had decided to take a shower?

My mind goes through a very disturbing sequence of events that leave me more than a little flushed.

I shake my head, grab my bag and head for the door. Maybe he won't be out there. Maybe he just went home and forgot about the whole thing, like I've been praying for. I don't know why I'm acting like I'm afraid to confront him though.

I haven't done anything wrong. He's the one that's making the whole thing turn up side down. Not me. So, it's not my problem. Not to mention that when I do see him, I'm going to give him a piece of my mind, maybe even along with a piece of my fist, right in that smug, arrogant, annoying, little face of--

"Hello, Jounouchi."

:'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``':

I'm the one now,  
'Cause I'm still here  
I'm the one,  
'Cause I'm still here.  


:'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``':

There are days that don't go well, and there are days that you just know someone up there hates you. This is one of those days.

My mouth opens, and then it shuts. It opens again and this time a small noise comes out of it, but nothing even somewhat understandable.

He blinks at me and holds out a paper bag. "Your clothes."

I take them from him, my mouth still attempting to say hi back. And then I remember that I'm still really pissed at him.

"You fucking jer--"

"Don't." He says, looking me in the eye.

"I will not! You keep pulling this shit--"

"I said don't." His teeth are gritted; I realize that mine are, too.

"No! And if you cut me off one more time, I'll kick your ass from here 'til next semester. Got it, moneybags?"

He narrows his eyes, and I'm caught up for a second in the color. They really are a dark, dark blue. Almost like those contacts you can buy at the shopping center that some of the chicks wear, but I bet they cost a whole--

Hello? Being pissed off here.

"You keep pulling this hot and cold shit with me, Kaiba. I don't get it. What the hell do you want from me, huh? Or is this something you thought up to embarrass the hell out of me?" I bite out, my hand clenching my bag so tight the knuckles turn white.

He says nothing for a moment, looking all thoughtful, but still staring at me with those eyes. I want to fidget under a gaze like that. Like he knows something that I don't, or that he sees something that I can't. 

"I want you." He says evenly.

Now that was unexpected.

"But I don't want you at the same time."

Okay, understanding can dawn whenever it feels the need.

"And I want to be around you."

Any second now.

"But I want to get as far away from you as I can."

Any freakin' second now I'm going to have a clue about what he's talking about.

"And I don't understand why."

Well, that makes two of us.

"What?" My voice is strained and my head is starting to hurt. He had been taking steps towards me as he talked and I realize that I had been taking steps back to keep the distance between us. I can't stop looking at him. I can't take my eyes off him. It's like I'm afraid that if I let him out of my sight for a second he'll freakin' appear behind me or something. The wall of the locker room is now effectively stopping me going any farther back, but he's still coming closer.

"You're everything I hate." He says taking another step, his expression looking annoyed. Like he wants to pummel me, and doesn't even know why.

"Wait! Now you hate me?!" I yell, taking a step towards him now. Where the hell does he get off acting like he has a right to hate me? Dislike? Sure there was dislike, but hate?

"I should."

"What? You don't hate me, but you should?" I say looking at him like he's lost that important part of his brain labeled 'sanity'.

He's looking about as confused as I feel. His gaze is studying the cracks in the locker room wall, and he's frowning. He has such a nice mouth when he's not using it to be a prick…

Suddenly those eyes are staring at me, and I want to scream. It's like being under a fucking microscope here. Would he just answer the damn question?

"Exactly."

Oh, well, thanks for clearing that up. I glare and brush past him. "You're a serious head case, you know that?"

I see his back tense as I past him, and something inside my brain twinges. It's like being back on the streets. See a movement. React to it. I spin around expecting a punch, but only see that he's turned around with me. It's like we were both anticipating the other to attack. How can we even _like _each other if we can't even marginally _trust _each other? My eyes narrow and I just want to sneer, but it probably wouldn't be anything compared to what he could do.

I shake my head and snatch the bag of my clothes from him. I'd almost forgotten about that.

"Thanks for the clothes, Kaiba. Now if you'll _excuse me_ I've got some homework to do."

He just stares at me and then comes forward, pushing me back a little with a hand. It's not an aggressive movement as far as I can tell, so I don't sock him one in the face. He bends his face towards mine, and in an instant, of clarity I guess, I know he's going to kiss me.

:'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``':

  
I'm still here.

I'm still here.

:'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``':

"What the hell is your problem?!" I whisper at him fiercely. He stops inches from my face, and I'm not proud to say that I'm feeling really uncomfortable with this. I don't want to back up and give him ground, but I don't want to be standing this close to a guy who is very quickly beginning to resemble a powder keg.

"I don't know," he says, his eyes looking at my face, but not at my eyes.

"Kaiba?"

He narrows his eyes in what I think is determination, and comes forward those few inches. I feel his lips brush my own, and it's all I can do to keep myself from sinking into him right there. I'm so mad at him, and yet, if he stops I'll kill him. I know I will.

His tongue pushes against my lips and I open my mouth for him. I gently push forward till they touch, and then he comes forward a bit more and takes control. I go with it, I mean, why the hell not?

He pulls away and I'm left staring up at him, my mouth slightly open.

"What…what is…why are you doing this!?"

He just looks at me evenly. "I've made a decision."

I roll my eyes. "Oh wait, let me guess. 'This isn't worth it.' Right?"

"No," he says, looking as though he's gauging my reaction to something.

"What then?" I snap out at him. "You like girls? You hate me? What?"

He's still for a moment, before meeting my eyes.

"I want to take back my previous decision."

"Wait a min--" I cut myself off and shake my head. I feel a little trapped in the locker room. Kaiba is effectively blocking my only exit and the way this conversation has been going I don't know if I want to hang around. His hand is still gently touching my chest, but the weight behind it is obvious. Plus, he's decided to stop making sense. "You're making a decision about a previous decision?"

"It's plausible."

"It's what? You know what, never mind." The pain in my head is starting to get worse, and the last thing I need is him explaining his choice of words. We yell, we fight, we make-out a little, and now I have to think. Maybe Kaiba doesn't know me as well as I thought, to think I'm capable of switching gears like he does. "Just what are you saying exactly?"

"That I'm…" he pauses. "Taking back my earlier decision."

"What?" I blink hard. "That's just what you said a second ago. Wait….are you trying to apologize?"

He just stares at me for a moment. No particular emotion on his face, and I'm left with guessing, which is something that I really just don't have the energy for.

"Right, right. Forgot who I was talking to."

"I take it back. That's all I wanted to tell you."

"You could ask me if I'm okay with it!" I almost yell.

He looks a little surprised at the statement as though the thought that I might not want to forgive him had never crossed his mind.

"Are you?" His voice is a little unsteady, as though the words are too thick for his mouth.

"You really don't get people, do you, Kaiba? I'm not a fucking yo-yo. You can't keep throwing me out and pulling me back in. It just doesn't fucking work like that!" I'm getting angrier by the second.

He just continues to watch me and I feel myself cracking.

"I don't get it!" I yell. His face stays impassive and I push forward a little "One minute you're sarcastic and then the next minute you're mad and then the next you're like some robot! What gives? Like in the parking lot. You were-" I pause. "We were both totally into it, but all the sudden you push me away and feed me that stupid 'this doesn't matter' line and drive off."

I'm so confused. I don't know what to say. Hell, I don't even know if I want this to work out. He just looks at me with a steady gaze, and again, I'm left with guessing. What the hell is he thinking? Does he even care? Is this some sick game?

"First tell me, why you're going along with this," He says, his voice low and commanding.

I stop and stare at him. "I don't know! Maybe because I want to? Did it ever fucking occur to you that I might like you?"

"Why should I believe you?" He steps towards me and that trapped feeling flares up in my mind again. I can't fight him off now; I've been running for the last couple of hours. The severity of his statement hits me and my anger almost boils over.

"Why should you--? Screw you! You know that. Screw you! You want to question my feelings? You don't even act like you have them half of the time, but all of the sudden you have the right to question mine? I don't fucking think so--" I advance forward a few steps and we're so close I can smell him. And every ounce of me wants to pummel him into the ground.

"How can I trust you?" His voice is so soft, like I'm the immature one for yelling. Like this is my fault. Like I'm to blame.

"I don't fucking know! I'm me! I'm not going to change or anything! I like you! I like being with you, when you're not acting all crazy!" I pause long enough to kick at wall and grab a fistful of hair, a habit I am becoming painfully aware of. Just what the hell are we trying to solve?! "I-I-Can we just fucking talk about something else?!"

I fall silent, breathing heavily and leaning back against a wall after taking a few steps back. He studies my face and then makes another decision I suppose. He cocks his head to the side and then studies the wall. Why am I the only one who's angry? And is he seriously going to try and change the subject? Because I asked him to? Sometimes he acts so much like a computer it's scary.

"How are things with your father?" He asks suddenly.

:'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``':

I'm still here.

:'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``': :'``~``':

This time I let out a frustrated moan and thunk my head back into the wall a few times. "Christ! I don't want to talk about him right now! It's like that's all you care about! I can handle it! You know I can handle it! I mean, it not like you need to know, it's not like it's something you've been through or--"

I stop talking and open my eyes to see blue ones staring back at me, impassive face conveying no feelings or ideas. I…I could be wrong. I know they were adopted. Mokuba had told Yugi once about the orphanage. That means they had to have a new family. But, now they lived alone. What had happened to whoever had adopted them? How had Kaiba come to control the company? Why did he look so surprised when I told him I fought back against my father? Why does he keep pushing the subject?

"Kaiba?" I ask, confusion blooming over my face.

Blue eyes hold my own, reminding me too much of the fact that Kaiba's still in Mr. Computer mode. He looks down and studies our shoes. Oh, he is not dodging this one.

"Kaiba!"

Suddenly his eyes meet my own again, but instead of the emotionless ones I was expecting, they're normal again, or as normal as he can act. Maybe there are some things about Kaiba that I just don't want to know about yet.

"I don't want to talk about it right now." His voice is startlingly strong, and I take a deep breath.

"Not right now?" I ask, trying to keep the annoyance out of my voice. I'm treading on such thin ice. I'm not a shrink. I don't know what to say. Christ, why isn't Yugi or someone here? They could tell me what to say. One minute I want to beat the crap out of him, the next I want to sit around with his tongue in my mouth all day, and then the next I'm worried and concerned about something I have no idea about.

He nods.

"But maybe later?" Hi, I'm Jounouchi and I'm a counselor at Domino High. Someone shoot me.

He blinks and then frowns a little, as though he's not sure he can trust me. Hell, I'm not even sure I can trust him. Why are we doing this? Why am I still here?

"Maybe."

To Be Continued…


End file.
